20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

Decluttering is great because the room you're working on looks perfect and all the other rooms get extra piles of junk thrown in them

— Hannah Posts (@HannahPosted) June 9, 2024

The nurse said she needed some urine to test for potassium. "K," I said. Silence. "I bet everyone makes that joke," I say. She's like "In 15 years of nursing not one person has made that joke"

— sarah (@sarahradz_) June 12, 2024

wish I was one of those weirdos who likes to go for a run when they’re upset

— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) June 9, 2024

Menstruation should last 5 Minutes and just Be like"Hello Madam You Are Not Pregnant see you Next Month bye"🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

— OtshegofatsoD (@OtshegofatsoD) June 8, 2024

Just bought pre-cut mangoes from Whole Foods like some sort of oil baron.

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 8, 2024

If you see a woman over 35 with her chin on her hand looking pensive, she is not deep in thought, she is trying to find that one chin hair that just suddenly appears out of nowhere and is strong enough to anchor a ship.

— Kate Jarman (@KateBurkeNHS) June 15, 2024

Hang on, I have to find just the right show to put on, to completely ignore while I screw around on my phone.

— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) June 11, 2024

having a sister in the medical field is so funny. she’s like “today i delivered a baby and assisted in a surgery that will fundamentally improve someone’s quality of life” and i’m like “i made a spreadsheet worse than how i found it”

— chase (@_chase_____) June 8, 2024

My personal style could best be described as, "I wasn't expecting to leave the house."

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 10, 2024

nurse drawing my blood yelled "we have a fainter" like really loud before anything happened which bothered me but then i did faint so it was like okay nevermind fair

— Cass (@_casscore) June 10, 2024

i do not feel shame about liking your instagram story 53 seconds after you posted it. that is when i saw it and i liked it.

— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) June 11, 2024

My potassium is super low and apparently causing heart problems, so I have been prescribed a potato diet, and let me say, this is the best diet.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) June 11, 2024

texting my friends pic.twitter.com/TsSZecNh16

— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) June 12, 2024

I just want to understand my body’s logic when it’s like “I’M SO HUNGRY LET ME HIT YOU WITH NAUSEA ABOUT IT”

— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) June 7, 2024

having siblings is so funny. you're like yeah of course i love them but once when i was little they zipped me into a suitcase and pushed me down the stairs

— trash jones (@jzux) June 11, 2024

feels so good when a sandwich costs a single digit amount

— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) June 11, 2024

Craziest thing about Bridgerton is they could have all figured out who Lady Whistledown was years ago if they just talked to some poor people.

— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) June 14, 2024

Shoutout to the coworker who asked me for a chocolate bar recommendation for her break, bought the thing I recommended and then turned around and handed it to me and said “I know you’re having a rough day today, this is actually for you” 🥺😭🩷

— Mama V🫶🏻 (@veronicaspeek_) June 9, 2024

customer: I have a question about my account

bank teller: withdrawal?

customer: oh sorry, ah have a question about mah account

— meghan (@deloisivete) June 14, 2024

Library patron of the week: the kindergartener whose parting shot at checkout was, “You haven’t seen the last of ME.”

— Alix Hawley (@alixhawley) June 14, 2024