20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My 4-year-old is demanding I play a game with her but I don’t want to because the game is she holds my eyelids open and I try to blink

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 2, 2024

Some kid told my 8yo daughter that girls can't be strong. She didn't take that lightly. She's really in our living room doing push-ups, lunges, and squats because "nobody calls me weak." A force to be reckoned with.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 3, 2024

I left my kids at my parents’ house yesterday to spend the night, and as I was leaving I heard my dad say to one of them, “You gotta get up! You’re laying on my licorice!”

I didn’t turn around. I just kept walking. The licorice-smasher is yours now.

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) February 3, 2024

My daughter had a timeout this morning.

Husband said, “Alexa. Set timer for 1 minute.”

Toddler said, “Alexa. Turn it off.”

This doesn’t bode well for adolescence.

— Lauren Rissman (@DrRissman) February 9, 2024

The kids realized I bought store-brand ketchup and now they're all singing "It's the Hard-Knock Life" from the Annie musical.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 5, 2024

My kid is in a class of 25 kids and 5 of them are named Logan. 20% of the kids are Logans.

— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) February 4, 2024

Our 6 y/o got a small trampoline from my parents, and a day later, she has laundry hanging off of it.

It starts so early.

— Adam 🥑 (@YSylon) February 7, 2024

My youngest has decided to start playing the trumpet. Thoughts and prayers are appreciated during this difficult time.

— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) February 3, 2024

Remember when a whole family would share a phone like total barbarians?

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) February 3, 2024

The best comeback I ever heard was when my son told my daughter “I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight!”

— Taco Ma BG (@bgschnikelfritz) February 5, 2024

My wife, showing a childhood photo of herself riding a horse: “This is me when I was little.”
The five-year-old, genuinely shocked: “You were a *horse*?”

— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) February 2, 2024

Nobody:

My 6yr old talking to himself on the toilet: everyday I gotta get up for school. & then everyday I’m gonna have to get up for work. When does it end. Did I ask for this? No. I don’t remember that I asked for this. I asked for rest and legos and French toast.

— 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚎 🧡 (@TrudiiBee) February 9, 2024

My 6yo was watching the doordash driver on the map and yelling and cheering him on like we were at a horse race

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 9, 2024

"Have you considered living on campus?" I ask.

"For a school that's 30 minutes away? That's crazy." My 17 year old answers.

I eat my chili from a small ice cream bowl with an oversized serving spoon (because all of our dishes are in his room) as I stare sadly out the window.

— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) February 6, 2024

Whenever my 5-year-old asks me a question about my childhood she starts with “mommy, in the olden days did they have…”

— KSV (@KSVesq) February 6, 2024

Me, picking up neighbor child for school:

“Good morning!”

“Good morning. My dad said you did a bad job parking yesterday.”

Kids, man.

— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) February 6, 2024

My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 10, 2024

We haven’t QUITE figured out hide and seek. pic.twitter.com/NvYxHFVcPY

— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) February 8, 2024

I know everyone’s financial situation is different but there’s a lady on a Disney group saying her oldest (16) isn’t going on their trip cause he couldn’t pay for his portion and that’s crazy to me. My kids are gonna be like 30 and I wouldn’t ask them to pay for a fam vacation😅

— Kylie 🌸 (@diaryofkylie_) February 4, 2024

When I tell you I GASPED at first when I walked in because I thought his ass was FLOATING 😅 pic.twitter.com/7zZTvOHMhO

— Lauren🌱🌿 (@mamavirg0) February 7, 2024