Every week I peruse the internet for the funniest, most relatable quips about life with kids.
Here are the funniest, most relatable tweets from parents that had us laughing in 2024.
Hope you’ll stick around for more laughs in 2025!
Janene
#1
Mom’s are geniuses 🤣 this lady on TikTok told her 4 year old son that if he willingly goes to school and behaves 5 days a week she’ll let him skip 2 days and do whatever he likes 🤣❤️ oh the day little man discovers the weekend there will be blood!😭
— Stallion 🐎 (@nosi____) July 19, 2024
#2
Took my daughter to Disney land and after spending an exhausting day doing rides and gift shops we asked her what her favorite part was and she said “the bus was pretty cool”. The bus ride. To get into the park. That was her favorite.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 1, 2024
#3
My children have never heard a phone ring — like a real, landline phone. And our 102 neighbor still, apparently has one. It rang while they were outside and she had the windows open, and they ran to me screaming because they thought they heard a fire alarm.
— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) March 28, 2024
IT WAS HER PHONE.
#4
Hubby is playing “Restaurant” with the kids and it went from them serving him food, to him calling the cops on them so I guess it’s not going well.
— Jo 🌻 (@GraceMothering) March 24, 2024
#5
Someone left an anonymous love note on my daughter’s desk and the first thing she did was put it in a ziploc baggie so she can get DNA and fingerprints
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 27, 2024
#6
I was helping my son with his homework and I told him that a female gazelle was called a madamazelle so now I have another meeting with his teacher.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) March 25, 2024
#7
My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2024
#8
My 5 year old son just asked me how I know his name… I'm not in the mood today
— B 🦋 (@isabellayonce) March 13, 2024
#9
It's so cold that one of the teens at the bus stop is wearing pants.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 18, 2024
#10
A random kid just knocked on my door because – he said and I quote “I smelled cake”. And I get him.
— Maddy 🩵 (@MadHatterMommy) April 19, 2024
#11
My son was mad at me today so he told me as much punishment I had to go to my room and sleep for 24 hours. If I got hungry, he’d bring me whatever food I wanted, but I was not allowed to leave my bed for one whole day.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 3, 2024
If you need me, I’ll be on vaca-, I mean, in my room.
#12
Tonight I discovered that my daughter, who is 17, has lived her whole life believing that the name of the singer of The Rolling Stones is McJagger.
— Oliver Jones (@oliverjones) May 16, 2024
#13
My 6 year old just got back from visiting our elderly neighbor and said, “I told her we’d bring her some fresh baked cookies when they’re ready.” I informed her that we weren’t baking any cookies today and she said, “Oh, I guess we kinda have to now, don’t we?” Diabolical.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 21, 2024
#14
I told my 4yo I needed a break today and went to my room. He comes in about 5 mins later and says, "Are you still on your break?" And I tell him yes.
— Melissa Ruth Rotert–THE RETURN OF RITTER out now! (@OnPunsnNeedles) May 16, 2024
Then he says, "Oh, good. I'm on my break too. We can be on break together. I've had enough of Daddy today."
#15
Me: What did you do at school today?
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) June 28, 2024
My kid: Nothing.
School FB page: *photo of him riding in a fire engine*
#16
My daughter got to pack her own lunch for the last day of school and it included a donut, 2 bags of chips, a shaker of sprinkles, and 1 tiny baby carrot because “it’s important to be healthy”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 30, 2024
#17
Just walked to the grocery store at 10 PM and saw a disgruntled father walking out with his teen daughter, who was holding a tri-fold poster board and looked harried. Pray for this family.
— Alyssa Leader (@alittleleader) May 21, 2024
#18
The 17 YO asked for unshelled peanuts 2 weeks ago. I bought them and asked zero questions.
— Medic Kim (@medickimw) May 11, 2024
He’s now trained 2 crows.
I probably should’ve asked questions…
#19
My 8yo has somehow acquired a day planner. This isn’t going to end well.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 22, 2024
8yo: Mom, can we go to McDonald’s on August 24th?
Me: ummm…I don’t know, maybe?
8yo: *clicks pen*
#20
7 yo: Can you do my homework?
— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ memoir now available! (@WillieHandler) August 15, 2024
Me: No. It wouldn't be right.
7 yo: That's okay. Just do the best you can.
#21
I recently taught my kiddo how to make my iced coffee bc she loves to be involved- it’s always made so well & the other day something just felt off- this morning she made my coffee & while she was doing the espresso she said “sometimes you need extra energy.. so I do 4 scoops”
— ❀ 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚢𝚢 ❀ (@Stonedwifeyy) August 18, 2024
#22
Filled out the paperwork for my daughter’s 1st passport and under “employment” was told to write “unemployed baby”
— Madelaine Lucas (@madelaine_lucas) January 23, 2024
#23
Got flagged by airport security because my son had a Magic 8 Ball in his backpack. Two TSA agents debated whether it was ok. My husband said, “If only we had a simple way to answer a yes or no question…” Crickets.
— J. Courtney Sullivan (@jcourtsull) April 20, 2024
#24
The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 30, 2024
#25
Our kids are at a place where their idea of a prank is just leaving a note that says “you got pranked.” It’s really funny to me, and almost overwhelmingly harmless 😅 6 left this note on the TV in our bedroom. pic.twitter.com/DLIioH7S4b
— Joe (@joenahnah) April 13, 2024
#26
My 5-year-old told me a school friend gave him his address so he can go over for play dates.
— Nicole St. Denis (@nicosttweets) April 11, 2024
The address: pic.twitter.com/mfUjY9OaVN
#27
My 9 y/o daughter just said:
— PhD Loading | Déjà Rollins (@DRollins_) October 4, 2024
“Someone needs to invent a phone that stays in the house that everyone can hear and answer.”
Y’all….🫢🥲
#28
Took a 4-hour zoo trip that left the adults feeling like sun-dried tomatoes. Came home for naptime, after which all three children asked, earnestly, “What are we going to do today??” 10/10 no notes
— Shannon Sanders (@ShandersWrites) May 27, 2024
#29
I was binging Friends with my 14yo and there was a cliffhanger episode and I mentioned that we used to have to wait a week to find out what happened and she looked at me like I just told her we had no running water.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 5, 2024
#30
My wife taped a $5 to the bottom of a crumpled paper towel and threw it conspicuously in the hallway outside the kids’ rooms.
— Clint Fiore 🦬 DM for Biz Deals (@ClintFiore) August 5, 2024
Whoever picks up a piece of trash without being told to will see it and get instant $$$.
It’s been there for 23 days now. 😫
#31
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) September 10, 2024
I asked her, "How small?"
She replied,
"Just you, me, and the principal.
#32
My son found me crying in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “Is it because of your hair?” Now I’m crying for two reasons.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 17, 2024
#33
i told her she can grab herself something to drink 🤣🤣 i forgot she don’t know how to read 😭😭😩 pic.twitter.com/b95bflcl9d
— 𝐌☆𝐂𝐇𝐀 (@blackhautte) May 27, 2024
#34
Y’all. I woke up with a headache and I hear my 9 year old son in the kitchen, so I asked him to bring me some water and an Aleve. He brings me some water AND A LEAF. When I tell you I have tears from laughing so hard.
— Nicole ✨ (@BombshellCole) November 9, 2024
