20 of the Best Tweets From Parents This Week

The most middle aged mom thing I do is appreciate a good fast food napkin. I love a boost to my car napkin collection.

— La Femme Fatali (@toomanycommas3) December 6, 2023

Can you imagine if adults introduced themselves to strangers like a four-year-old does?

"Hi, I'm Katie. I'm 38. Do you have any friends? I like coffee and 19th century British literature. You are really bald."

— Katie Sawade Hall (@bluesawadeshoes) January 26, 2024

My daughter, a law school graduate, passer of the bar exam and full grown attorney just showed me her multivitamin she’s been taking for months. She said, “I think I misunderstood this.” It says for Women 50+ and she thought the 50+ meant 50+ vitamins in each pill.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 23, 2024

When my son was a newborn we went out to dinner and a woman stopped at our table all excited and said “I wasn’t going to have kids because I didn’t think I’d be able to go out, but you guys are out WITH your baby! So maybe I will!” and I sure hope she gave that some more thought.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 22, 2024

Yesterday my 3yo asked if he could make me a coffee in the Keurig and he put half and half in and everything and tbh he made the best coffee I've ever had from that machine. Considered asking him to make me another this morning.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 25, 2024

I asked my 3 y old what I should make for dinner tonight. She goes
“ OOOOOH you should make steak & shrimp & green beans with bacon or can we go to red lobster.”
MAAM! We are not rich. Get your boujie surf & turf outta here. 😂

— 𝒥𝑒𝓌𝓁𝒾𝑒 (@Jelly_Ehles) January 26, 2024

I sent my teen a meme and she actually responded with a 😂.
I’m gonna ride this high all week

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 21, 2024

Waiting in the coffee drive-thru line impatiently watching the driver in front of me chatting with the barista and my 12 y/o sighs and says, “C’mon, lady, she’s not your therapist, move along.” Never get between a middle school girl and her Frappuccino.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 25, 2024

Adulting involves using the phone’s flashlight a lot more than I had anticipated

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 19, 2024

Wind chill of -15 degrees which is why my son is wearing his slightly thicker shorts.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 21, 2024

hate when my toddler says I'm wrong about simple things, like my guy I have 25 years experience and you just called a bird a squirrel but IM WRONG

— kait ☁️❄️☃️ (@mushr00mbabe) January 26, 2024

Just got carpal tunnel from scrolling to my birth year in an online form.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 19, 2024

Before my kid entered the room she said…I have a surprise for you…IT’S ME!!! And that’s how I’ll be entering all rooms from now on.

— Marissa 💚❄️💛 (@michimama75) January 21, 2024

I always thought my attitude was so cute until I started raising a replica of myself.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 23, 2024

My 7yo: Mom, were you alive in the one-thousands?

Me: What?

7yo: The ONE-THOUSANDS

Me: *dawning realization* Yes…..yes I was born in the one-thousands. In the 1980’s.

7yo: WHOA 🤯

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 21, 2024

Kids, I’m serious, there used to be a phone number you could call just to get the time.

— Harris (@GrandpaHarris65) January 24, 2024

Filled out the paperwork for my daughter’s 1st passport and under “employment” was told to write “unemployed baby”

— Madelaine Lucas (@madelaine_lucas) January 23, 2024

Finally done with a house project that I started 3 years ago and I think my kids will love their new shower head.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 22, 2024

Parenting pro tip: Kids don’t want toys, kids want this pic.twitter.com/ZQjc9Gukrd

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 24, 2024

My daughter forgot her Stanley at home today. Please pray for her hydration as she braves the barren water fountain lined halls of middle school without it.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 23, 2024