Kids really do say the darndest things. I’ve worked with kids for most of my life and there is truly never a dull moment, especially with little ones!
Here are the funniest kid quips I came across in 2023.
Hope these give you some laughs!
Janene
#1
We let my 5-year-old try a root beer, and after he took a big gulp, he yelled, “Oh my gosh, I can feel myself turning into a man!”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) June 12, 2023
#2
Told my kids I couldn’t find the hot cocoa powder to which my 4yo said, “maybe someone took it and hid it behind my bed” which is a suspiciously specific theory.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) October 27, 2023
#3
Just overheard my eight-year-old son tell the little boy who lives across the street, “You have to go now. I’ve hit my limit for being around other people today.”
— Rebecca Papin (@RebeccaPapin) July 16, 2023
#4
Today the 8 year old told me she deliberately spelled a word wrong in the last round of the school spelling bee because “if you lose you get a piece of candy, but if you win you just get a boring medal”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) June 14, 2023
#5
The first time my daughter met her Great Aunt she turned to me and moistly whispered “I thought it was weird that you called her great, but I see it now”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 11, 2023
#6
Took my 6 y/o daughter to a college football game and my dream of turning her into a fan quickly faded when she asked to go home in the first quarter because “we just watched this game on TV last week.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 18, 2023
#7
Don’t have kids if you’re not a morning person. At 7:45am I had to break up a fight because my daughter made a human out of clothes and her brother ran in and attacked it and she kept screaming “HE RUINED MY HUMAN OF CLOTHES” and it was so early.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 4, 2023
#8
My 6yo was telling us about this girl from school who is kinda mean. In the middle of the convo, my 6yo, "she broke her arm in kindergarten because someone pushed her off the slide!" My 7yo without skipping a beat, "no wonder she went bad."
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 2, 2023
#9
my 6yo discovered my husband and i dated other people before we married eachother and lets just say her world is now shook
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 12, 2023
"YOU'VE KISSED OTHER PEOPLE?!"
#10
My 4yo put on a pair of jeans for the first time yesterday and as soon as buttoned them she said, "Mommy, these are NOT good pants," took them off, threw them across the floor, and put on leggings.
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) January 16, 2023
#11
Lady at the farmers market selling us a hay bale to decorate our yard: just so you know, it’s going to get your car really messy
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 6, 2023
My 3yo: That’s ok because our car is already really messy
#12
Me: *hears a stealthy footstep in the hallway*
— Josiah Hawthorne (@JosiahHawthorne) October 25, 2023
Me: "This is your third time up. Go back to bed."
7yo: *frantically* "Wait — wait Daddy –"
Me: "Whatever it is, tell me in the morning."
7yo: *gasp* "IfYouWereADolphinYou'dBeDeadAlready
BecauseDolphinsOnlyLiveThirtyYears."
#13
My son was following me around being annoying. I turned around and asked what he wanted. He leaned in, "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty." No notes! Perfect performance.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 3, 2023
#14
My 3yo was super excited today because she got to eat "broccoli with all the color taken out." She was talking about cauliflower.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 9, 2023
#15
Asked my 12 y/o daughter how her babysitting business was going and she said it’s tough when some people don’t even charge for their services.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 29, 2023
“Grandparents are my biggest competitors.”
#16
A mom came into the library with her kids in a stroller.
— Mychal (@mychal3ts) January 27, 2023
As they strolled into the children’s section, her little girl started waving her arms in the air in excitement, singing, “Hello, library! Hello, books! I told you I’d be back!”
💚📚
#17
Two of my nephews call me Potatochip. One of them started kindergarten last week.
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) September 8, 2023
He was telling me a story from school. "Potatochip! Today in kindergarten – "
My sister said, "You know, Aunt Caitlin TEACHES kindergarten."
Nephew said, "Sorry. MISS Potatochip…"
#18
I’m showering for work when 9 y/o busts in on me.
— Jennifer Public Radio (@AmbientSynthy) September 30, 2023
Me: “Excuse me!”
9 y/o: “I’m late for school and I have to brush my teeth. Just stay in the shower. I don’t want to see anything that will ruin my childhood.”
☠️
#19
Biggest argument of the day so far was when the 3-year-old gathered all the cheeses from the refrigerator and I had to wrestle them away from her while she screamed “IT’S FOR MY OBSTACLE COURSE”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 3, 2023
#20
Told the kids they could have a dime for each toy they decided to part with.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 31, 2023
Oldest kid has earned $3.00 and middle kid is counting individual Legos crowing, “I’M GONNA BE RICH!”
#21
My 3 yo came home from pre-K one day and told me she was getting married to a boy in her class, Nick, the next day. I said that impossible bc Nick married Sally the day before. My daughter looks me straight in the eye completely serious and says “That was pretend. This is real”
— Ana Quirk Hunter (@AnaQuirkHunter) October 6, 2023
#22
We were on our way to our family Christmas party and my daughter turned to me and said “if I were a dog my tail would be wagging like crazy right now”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 14, 2023
#23
Lol my daughter told me lately at school recess she’s been gardening and I was like what and she said “I asked the recess teacher if I could just have a bit of earth”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) April 1, 2023
#24
Me: Did you brush your hair?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2023
8-year-old: Yes.
Me: Can I check?
8: I'm too busy wearing this hood.
#25
I kept calling the reptiles at the zoo “he” and “that guy” to my son and an 8 year old girl came up to me and said “they could be GIRLS, you know” and I’m both scared of her and want her to be President
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 9, 2023
#26
pros and cons of being the last person alive on earth, according to my 8 year old:
— Birdie Girl (@BirdiePanda) August 4, 2023
con: loneliness
pro: every dog on the planet now belongs to you
#27
Nephew has been doing a bit where when he gets on elevators with adults, in an attempt to fit in he’ll say “I didn’t get the promotion”
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) August 20, 2023
#28
Sometimes having a toddler is difficult and sometimes as you’re pushing his stroller past a cluster of startled pigeons he casually says, “Don’t worry, birds, we’re not really giants.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) June 11, 2023
#29
me: It’s important to tell your parents everything.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 5, 2023
my 8yo: when mommy woke up this morning she looked 100 years old.
me: whatever you do don’t tell her that.
#30
My daughter just put herself in timeout in her room because she was “done hearing other people’s voice noise.”
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 25, 2023
