20 of the Best Tweets From Parents This Week

My 6-year-old is very set on writing and drawing his own comic books, but he says his problem right now is that he “can’t really read and write yet” AND he doesn’t “own a good stapler.”

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) January 9, 2024

The thing about 4 year olds is no matter how tired they are, if they get an 86 second nap in a car it will be enough to fuel them for the next 48 hours.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 9, 2024

Hey toddler parents – I have a teenage son now. i'd rather have 50 toddlers if that tells you anything about how great a teenager is. ok bye. hope this helps you.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 9, 2024

My 4-year-old asked me what my name was when I was a kid and she was not ready for the wild coincidence when I told her I was also named Kristen as a child

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 12, 2024

6yo: Do adults cry?

Me: They do.

6yo: You probably cry when you go to work.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 9, 2024

My daughter is sad because one of her preschool friends hasn’t been in school because he’s on vacation. I asked where he went and she said “he’s at the place where you can’t see the fox but the fox can see you” and I dunno I just feel like I’d need a vacation from that vacation.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 10, 2024

My 6yo told his teacher we had no food in the house so she sent a flyer home with him for the local food bank. Go-Gurt, we had no Gogurt.

— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) January 9, 2024

My 4 year-old learned how to spot an EXIT sign in preschool and her teacher told her she was really good at it so now she points out EXIT signs to people everywhere we go. It’s the cutest way I’ve seen anybody tell someone it was time for them to leave.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 9, 2024

me: having a blended family is challenging

person: you and your wife have kids from different marriages?

me: no, we have Android and iPhones in our family group chat

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ Dad Moon Rising 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 9, 2024

What do you want to be when you grow up?

other kids: firefighter, doctor, scientist…

my 9yo: I’m gonna sell my Pokémon cards on the streets of New York.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 6, 2024

My 5 yo got mad and told me he was going to his room and I can’t come in so y’all can probably imagine my excitement.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 10, 2024

My 5yo says more words in one day than I have in my entire life

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) January 7, 2024

Don't be upset about aging.

Instead, embrace the ability to use excuses like "I can't drive at night" for getting out of leaving the house.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 10, 2024

Jennifer who dumped me in Junior High now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page.

Oh, how the tables have turned Jennifer.

— Ninja Dad (@ninjadadofone) January 11, 2024

I’ve never committed a crime but I have changed my niece’s diaper in the public washroom while she screamed “YOU’RE NOT MY MOM”

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 10, 2024

my 2yo officially has reached the milestone of climbing out of his crib. we discovered this when after bedtime, we heard his doorknob turn, and he proudly proclaimed, "hi!!!!!!!! i leave crib!!!!!!!"

— emily (@emilykmay) January 12, 2024

The funny thing about having your kid in childcare is you have no idea what they know. I started signing “if you’re happy and you know it…” and it was like I unlocked a sleeper cell in my 11 month old. She suddenly sat up straight and started clapping perfectly to the song 😂

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 6, 2024

Me: Have a good day at school.
Child: Impossible.
Me: What? Why?
Child: Hey dad, have a good day at work.
Me: Oh ok I see what you’re saying.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 9, 2024

My husband doesn’t see the hilarious irony that he sent our identical twins to school in matching sweatshirts that say, “Be Unique!” on the front and now I’m questioning who I married.

— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) January 11, 2024

welcome to your 40's; Anne B. Davis was 43 when the Brady Bunch began. have a good day! pic.twitter.com/oXFwsgrZor

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 11, 2024