Every week I peruse the internet for the funniest, most relatable tweets about life with kids.
Here are the funniest, most relatable tweets from parents that had us laughing in 2023.
Hope you’ll stick around for more laughs in 2024!
Janene
#1
My 8yo had his hair styled nicely this morning so I asked what he put in it to look so good……and he said it was oil from the pan I roasted broccoli in last night.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) June 6, 2023
You really can’t make this stuff up.
#2
My wife is hilarious
— Dad 2.0 – doing my best (@DadaBaseThought) May 11, 2023
We’ve been trying to get ahold of our sons daycare corporate for 4 months and they literally do not answer phones or email
She applied for a job and when they contacted her for an interview she asked to be transferred to the person we needed to talk to
#3
Yesterday I asked my kindergartener what she did in school and she said "nothing," then later I went on Instagram and her teacher had posted a picture of her holding a crocodile.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 14, 2023
#4
My 7yo son made me a cup of coffee that somehow taste like beef stew.
— Princess (@themultiplemom) May 6, 2023
“Mommy, I put a sprinkle of that brown stuff in it like you”
The brown stuff I use is cinnamon. The brown stuff he used was dry rub seasoning.
I can’t wait for these kids to go to my mama house today.
#5
We have friends coming from the Netherlands. My 8yo kept asking if their kids have grown. We couldn’t understand why she was fixated on this.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 26, 2023
Neverland. She thought they were from Neverland.
#6
The only real parenting hack is to live close to the grandparents
— Peter Yang (@petergyang) January 15, 2023
#7
My kid handed me a tooth tonight and said “that’ll be $5” so I guess we’re done with the tooth fairy
— Midge (@mxmclain) September 8, 2023
#8
I told my 12yr old she wasn't allowed to make pancakes without supervision. So I come back and she's making crepes.
— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) October 7, 2023
#9
My son asked what taxes are, so I gave him a bag of m&m's and explained that he has to give some to me and I know how much he has to give me but he has to guess himself and if he's wrong he goes to prison.
— Jeff Greenwood (@TheFantasyEng) January 23, 2023
#10
Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 27, 2023
#11
when i met him, i should’ve recognized the red flags because he immediately wanted to move in with me. 11 months later he still has no job or money and i can’t do anything without him watching my every move.
— Chele, please! (@_YamSmalls_) September 30, 2023
like, i know he’s my son but he’s gotta get it together.
#12
8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 4, 2023
Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent.
8: It's Mom.
#13
I’ve been teaching my daughter to sneak candy into the theater, like any good parent would, but when she pulled a pack of deli ham out of her bag I realized I’ve created a monster
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 11, 2023
#14
My 3yo came home from school mad that one of the boys poked her in the eye. I asked if she talked to her teacher about it and she said yes, but the teacher didn’t have a chance to address it because then the boy fell out of his chair and broke both his arms. Unsure if lies.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 5, 2023
#15
On the train with my son and we pass a lovely field with lots of cows. "Look, cows!", I say excitedly, before remembering he is 17 and we are off to visit a university 😳
— natalie perera (@natalieperera1) October 7, 2023
#16
My 5yo daughter has announced that she will run for president when she turns 35. Her platform is (1) make arcade claw machines more fair and (2) all girls' pants will have pockets.
— Matthew Kim (@MatthewHKim) January 25, 2023
#17
my son asked for a new hoodie for Christmas, so for convenience and to save time I'm having it shipped directly to his girlfriend's house
— 🌜🤷♂️🎅🏽Dad Moon Rising 🎅🏽🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 25, 2023
#18
My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 7, 2023
#19
Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have….
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023
My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!
Me, now whispering: …your leggings on inside out, but please… go live your life.
#20
My wife teaches 8th grade, which means half the boys haven’t discovered deodorant yet and the other half have discovered Axe Body Spray
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) September 3, 2023
#21
My husband makes my tea every morning. It's nothing fancy. Nothing big. Well, he's out of town this week. There's nobody to make my tea. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw my son already making my tea. He smiled, "I'll make it for you while dad is gone." The little things matter
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 23, 2023
#22
5yo; “Mommy, I think when I grow up, I might change my name to a grownup name because my name is a little kid’s name. Maybe I’ll use my middle name. My name is such a baby name! I want a grown up name when I’m a grown up.”
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) May 3, 2023
Reader, his name is HARVEY.
#23
At my baby shower years ago, someone told me I was having a best friend for life. This morning my daughter stole my mascara and told me I dress like Adam Sandler in case you’re wondering how that special friendship is progressing
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 22, 2023
#24
One thing no one mentions in the baby books is how to store the rocks that suddenly appear in your house when you have children. So many inside rocks.
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) February 2, 2023
#25
I have one intelligent child who is designing a parachute and, putting this as politely as I can, I have another child willing to try the parachute.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2023
#26
Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this ain’t my first rodeo.
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 19, 2023
#27
Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said “it means you can go ahead of me” so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 23, 2023
#28
My 5 year old was pretending to leave for work, rode his bike to the end of the driveway and back and said he made $100 so my question is what is this job and where can I find one
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) June 2, 2023
#29
My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. Some highlights:
— Shiv Ramdas Official Boye Mafia Spokesman (@nameshiv) February 21, 2023
"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. Hold on to it. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world"
#30
Passport worker – We're gonna need the baby to sit on the chair for the photo.
— Yair Menchel (@yairmenchel) July 20, 2023
Dad – She won't let me put her down.
Passport worker – You're gonna need to figure something out if you want a passport picture.
Dad – I got an idea… pic.twitter.com/cx9sm5EsBl
