Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom Sheri Field

My son called the butter shelf in the fridge the dairy penthouse and there is no other name for it now.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 25, 2022

My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 10, 2022

It’s woman law if another woman tells you your outfit is cute and you got a deal on it you must tell them where you got it and how much it cost.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 10, 2023

My 8 year old told me a boy proposed at school and she accepted and honestly this will be her second marriage so I told her she’s going to get a reputation.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 28, 2022

I don’t remember what I did yesterday but I can sing all 50 states in alphabetical order from a song I learned in junior high.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 4, 2023

My son said it’s not fair I’m the only one that sleeps alone because my sisters sleep together and so do you and dad. I said I totally understand you can sleep with dad and I’ll take your room.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 3, 2023

My four year old told me she ate fruit at school today and when I asked her what kind she said flamangos.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 4, 2022

Remember when your mom would just drop you off at the mall and have no way to get in touch with you? I don’t even trust my kids to go upstairs alone.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 6, 2022

Why is my kid asking me to play go fish like I didn’t birth her a twin and a brother for this exact reason?

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 28, 2022

Me: Goodnight sweet girl.

9: Tomorrow I need to dress like Martin Luther King Jr. for my biography.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 15, 2024

My husband did a load of dishes and folded a load of laundry and then complained that I didn’t even notice and I laughed so hard I almost coughed up a lung.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 14, 2023

I patiently sat through a 75 hour story about my daughter’s dream and then said wow daddy would love to hear this.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 7, 2023

Me: No more talking. Good night.

10: Did you know you could throw a rock into a big body of water and be the last person to touch that rock until the end of time?

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) June 1, 2022

Are you even a mom if you don’t call out every family member’s name first before you get to the one you need?

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 8, 2022

A game show called what ISN’T expired in my parents’ fridge.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 24, 2023

My daughter told me I embarrassed her in her dream and the fact that I’m able to do this in her subconscious tells me I’ve reached peak parenting.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 31, 2023

Some dude slid into my dms and asked what my fantasy was and I told him for someone to do the dishes and the laundry and make my kids’ 3 lunches.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 7, 2022

Kids be like I’m sick I need to stay home from school but still have the energy of a bunny on cocaine.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 22, 2022

Was complaining to my mom about my kids and she reminded me that the day I got my driver’s permit I ran over her foot on her birthday and I feel like she’s making this about her.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 31, 2024

I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 23, 2022