Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this ain’t my first rodeo.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 19, 2023

My kid just said ‘the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate’ in case anyone needs a new life coach.

— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) February 23, 2023

Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said “it means you can go ahead of me” so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 23, 2023

Call me old-fashioned but I don’t need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 23, 2023

Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 23, 2023

We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didn’t get bored

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 22, 2023

Wife: *Gives me her password to log into one of her accounts*

Me: Nice work with picking a random password.

Wife: It’s our anniversary.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 22, 2023

I’m just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but I’m pretty terrified rn.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 22, 2023

Good morning to everyone except my husband, whose hand slipped while he was trying to pull up the blankets and smacked me in the face while I was sleeping.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 17, 2023

Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal.

Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 20, 2023

My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. Some highlights:

"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. Hold on to it. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world"

— Shiv Ramdas Traing To Rite Buk (@nameshiv) February 21, 2023

I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled “BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO” so she’s ready for adulthood

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 24, 2023

My 7 yr old now ends sentences with “bada-bing” and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) February 24, 2023

My tween, who wanted money, told me I don’t look a day over 41. I’m 40.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 23, 2023

PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. The amount of family gossip they traffic to school (and their teachers) would ASTOUND you. Think twice about what you say in front of them. In fact, just pretend like they’re wearing a wire at all times.

— The Dad (@thedad) February 20, 2023

By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. I am like reeallly good at getting old.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 19, 2023

I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day."

So anyway, he's my new therapist.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 24, 2023

Me: You can't wear that to school.

10-year-old: Why not?

Me: It's not nice enough.

10: I've been going to school with these kids for years. It's too late to impress them.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 21, 2023

One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I haven’t felt the baby move in a long time. Because she’s in the livingroom.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 19, 2023

My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.

I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc

— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) February 23, 2023