Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Husband trained 5 well. Every time we have rain, she stands at the window with her hands on her hips and says, “we really needed this.”

— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) July 20, 2023

Just overheard my eight-year-old son tell the little boy who lives across the street, “You have to go now. I’ve hit my limit for being around other people today.”

— Rebecca Papin (@RebeccaPapin) July 16, 2023

One of the toughest parts about parenting a teen is having to stay awake till 11pm to pick them up from an event

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 15, 2023

Summer vacation with the kids. Day 19. Captain’s log.

The days are long. The crew is restless. I’ve made 2839 snacks. Everything is sticky. I can’t remember what silence feels like. There’s sunscreen in my hair. Morale is low. Pray for us.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) July 18, 2023

The little kids behind us as we fly into Hawaii:
“Do we get to land in the ocean?”
“I’m going to miss that tiny toilet.”
“I thought we were going to Mexico.”

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 17, 2023

I need something stronger than sleep but less than a coma.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 17, 2023

I just got an invite for my daughter’s friend’s half-birthday party, and it would be really cool if that mom could climb back up that slippery slope before she takes us all down with her.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 14, 2023

5 year old: Something happened in the kitchen.

Husband: what was it?

5yo: A ghost was doing experiments.

Us: …………….oh no

— Laura (@laurawritesit) July 18, 2023

My teen: Now that I have my license, I can do whatever I want!

Me: [ready to hand them a full list of errands they have to run] pic.twitter.com/CH1IkxAOjp

— The Dad (@thedad) July 21, 2023

Third morning in a row my mother-in-law pointed out the same paddle boarder off the coast of our vacation rental. Family currently making bets on when she’ll figure out it’s just a buoy.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 19, 2023

Spelling words to your spouse to hide things from your kids is great until you get to M&Ms.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 19, 2023

Friend: How long have your kids been on summer break?

Me: pic.twitter.com/vERmDGD61C

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 21, 2023

I asked my husband for help putting the laundry away so naturally he’s across the house hanging shelves I asked him to hang 8 months ago.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 19, 2023

One time my son was playing “store” in a hotel room we were in. I came out of the shower and he had taken every bottle out of the minibar and stacked them in rows on the floor. “What can I get ya?” he asked. It was a Vegas room with motion sensored monitors. I almost fainted.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 14, 2023

When they ask who wants to say a few words at a wedding reception and your kid raises their hand, always check what they're about to say before you let them. My kid was about to ask 300 strangers for the Wi-Fi password. An important question, sure, but maybe not toast-worthy.

— The Dad (@thedad) July 19, 2023

If the 2yo dumps his bottle of bubble-blowing soap into his wading pool does it count as a bath

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 17, 2023

*road trip*

husband, day 1: absolutely no eating in the car

husband, day 4: *handing brisket to the kids in the backseat*

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 16, 2023

Me: *Driving 3 mph over the speed limit
My 15 yr old: You’re breaking the law right now

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 17, 2023

Passport worker – We're gonna need the baby to sit on the chair for the photo.

Dad – She won't let me put her down.

Passport worker – You're gonna need to figure something out if you want a passport picture.

Dad – I got an idea… pic.twitter.com/cx9sm5EsBl

— Yair Menchel (@yairmenchel) July 20, 2023

Told my 3 year old we had to go grocery shopping and he said “don’t worry, I’ll make a list” pic.twitter.com/8LYUByRnZo

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 17, 2023