25 Hilarious Tweets From Parents of 3-Year-Olds

I have worked with kids in one capacity or another for most of my life, and I have three children of my own. And if I had to pick a favorite age, it would be three.

I would rather sit down and talk with a three-year-old for an hour than do just about anything else. When I worked at a preschool, the kids kept me in stitches daily.

Are they a lot of work? Yes. Exhausting. But they are smart, creative, sweet, and just absolute sponges, absorbing information at a breakneck speed.

I’ve rounded up the funniest tweets about life with three-year-olds…enjoy!

Janene

#1

Three year old daughter has acquired my work lanyard and is now strutting around the house with it around her neck declaring ‘I’m so so so soooo important’ in extremely pompous voice. Most devastating critique I’ve endured in years
— Stephen Dziedzic (@stephendziedzic) February 24, 2024

#2

After I tucked my 3yo into bed he handed me his water cup and said “you can freshen this on your way out”. I updated my resume to reflect my experience running a hotel.
— Bre (@fullofmomsense) July 6, 2022

#3

My husband immediately took the trash out when I asked him to and my 3 year old said, ‘I’m so proud of you for listening.’

Seems like my job here is done.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 31, 2024

#4

My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
— Jen Dziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018

#5

Biggest argument of the day so far was when the 3-year-old gathered all the cheeses from the refrigerator and I had to wrestle them away from her while she screamed “IT’S FOR MY OBSTACLE COURSE”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 3, 2023

#6

3-year-old: You're strong.

Me: Yeah.

3: Really strong.

Me: Definitely.

3: Almost as strong as Mom.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2018

#7

Me: Yes, you were in my belly.

3yo: Why…
*tears in her eyes*
…why did you eat me?
— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) November 3, 2021

#8

Shout out to my 3-year-old neighbor who went trick-or-treating again last night like, THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS A ONE NIGHT THING
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) November 2, 2023

#9

“After my peanut butter and jelly, I’m going to keep crying,” the three-year old informed me.
— Deena Shanker (@deenashanker) April 18, 2021

#10

parenting is hard but so rewarding! like this morning I told my three year old “I love you honey” and she looked up at me with her sweet little face and said “I don’t love you. i only love daddy, and dinosaurs.”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 2, 2022

#11

Tried to throw a slightly neglected baby doll into the toy basket and my three year old shrieked “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!” Had no idea
— Melanie Lynskey (@melanielynskey) April 6, 2022

#12

My 3 year old just had a meltdown because I told her she had to be 4 before she could be 6. I haven’t broken the news about 5 to her yet.
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) January 28, 2022

#13

“I know you’re so cute and I know you’re so brave,” my 3 year old daughter sweetly says to my 10 month old daughter before snatching a toy away from her.
— 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 (@homemakinghunny) February 2, 2026

#14

My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 7, 2023

#15

3yo, walking off the plane after a 6 hour plane ride, “OH NO! We are still at the airport!”
— Veena Dubal (@veenadubal) March 23, 2023

#16

My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 19, 2019

#17

I was in a very bad mood today. Then my 3 year old walked over, handed me a rock, patted my face and said “mommy, you’re perfect, here’s a present for you”. And I smiled.

And then I realized the rock was a cat turd.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 12, 2020

#18

My 3yo came home from school mad that one of the boys poked her in the eye. I asked if she talked to her teacher about it and she said yes, but the teacher didn’t have a chance to address it because then the boy fell out of his chair and broke both his arms. Unsure if lies.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 5, 2023

#19

3yo, playing with her dolls: Mommy, I love you!

Me: Aw I love you too.

3yo: Oh. That was actually my baby talking to me.

Me: Oh.

3yo: Nobody said that to you.

Me: Right.

Me: Sorry.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 9, 2023

#20

My 3 yo came home from pre-K one day and told me she was getting married to a boy in her class, Nick, the next day. I said that impossible bc Nick married Sally the day before. My daughter looks me straight in the eye completely serious and says “That was pretend. This is real”
— Ana Quirk Hunter (@AnaQuirkHunter) October 6, 2023

#21

I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014

#22

3-year-old: Can we have a birthday cake?

Me: It's not your birthday.

3: The cake won't know.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2016

#23

3yo: Why do we have a room just for the toilet and the bath?

Me: So people can have privacy when they’re going to the bathroom or taking a shower.

3yo: Why would someone want that?

I think I’m beginning to understand the root of much of our disconnect.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 12, 2023

#24

My 3yo watched Frozen while she was home for a snow day and said to me shortly after, “You can’t marry a man you just met” so let’s give a big round of applause to Disney for handling this important life lesson
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) January 18, 2024

#25

My nearly three year old has mentioned opening up a mobile nail bar and I feel that if I’m to get behind her then the least I could do is drum up some interest on here. See where it takes her.

She’s got great chat, an eye for colour & this only cost me £1.

DM me if interested. pic.twitter.com/oeuC0N3qLA
— Catmandoodle (@CatrionaMcNicol) January 26, 2020

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Got a minute to stick around? Check out: “20 People Confess Their Funniest Awkward Moments”

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