20 Hilariously Relatable Tweets About Life With Three-Year-Olds

I have worked with kids in one capacity or another for most of my life, and I have three children of my own. And if I had to pick a favorite age, it would be three.

I would rather sit down and talk with a three-year-old for an hour than do just about anything else. When I worked at a preschool, the kids kept me in stitches daily.

Are they a lot of work? Yes. Exhausting. But they are smart, creative, sweet, and just absolute sponges, absorbing information at a breakneck speed.

I’ve rounded up the funniest tweets about life with three-year-olds…enjoy!

Janene

#1 Bad Grandma LOL…

Tried to throw a slightly neglected baby doll into the toy basket and my three year old shrieked “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!” Had no idea
— Melanie Lynskey (@melanielynskey) April 6, 2022

#2 Maybe keep that to yourself just a wee bit longer…

My 3 year old just had a meltdown because I told her she had to be 4 before she could be 6. I haven’t broken the news about 5 to her yet.
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) January 28, 2022

#3 As a vegetarian, I’m pretty put off by “ham hands” LOL…

Parenting is ok except for every once in a while when my 3-year-old requests “Ham Hands” for lunch, which is when she takes two handfuls of ham and eats it in the living room while she watches tv.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 11, 2023

#4 Nothing like a 3-year-old to take you down a notch!

nobody:

my 3 year old: are u sad because you’re old now
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 16, 2021

#5 A cheese obstacle course?? I’m in!

Biggest argument of the day so far was when the 3-year-old gathered all the cheeses from the refrigerator and I had to wrestle them away from her while she screamed “IT’S FOR MY OBSTACLE COURSE”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 3, 2023

#6 An ego blow to dad right there…

3-year-old: You're strong.

Me: Yeah.

3: Really strong.

Me: Definitely.

3: Almost as strong as Mom.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2018

#7 How do you explain THAT??

Me: Yes, you were in my belly.

3yo: Why…
*tears in her eyes*
…why did you eat me?
— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) November 3, 2021

#8 Ouch…

I was singing You Are My Sunshine to my 3 year old and he told me he hates that song. I said that's a shame because I use to sing it to him when he was in my tummy before he was born and he looked me dead in the eyes and said "I hated it then too".
— Al (@AliceTaylorM) December 12, 2021

#9 A very self-aware child I guess!

“After my peanut butter and jelly, I’m going to keep crying,” the three-year old informed me.
— Deena Shanker (@deenashanker) April 18, 2021

#10 Oops!

Neighbor: Hi buddy, how you doing this morning?

My 3 year old: Good. My mom puts heavy things on me at night so I can’t move or get out of bed.

A weighted blanket. We gave him a weighted blanket.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) January 27, 2020

#11 Wise child…

I was getting mad in traffic earlier and my 3-year-old said “all you can do is calm down and let the cars go” and now I have a therapist.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 9, 2019

#12 I’d be sleeping with one eye open…

3-year-old: *offers me a teddy bear*

Me: That's okay. I don't need him.

3: He eats the shadow people.

Me: *takes the teddy bear*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2017

#13 I’m going to do this and see what Alexa plays LOL…

I told my 3yo she couldn’t play with makeup, so she ran away sobbing and yelling, “Alexa, play crying music!”

(SHE SAID THAT!!!)

So now Alexa’s playing some funeral dirges and 3yo is sadly playing along on a recorder

😐
— Jessica Khoury (@jkbibliophile) January 16, 2019

#14 I get it kid…pets are family!

My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 7, 2023

#15 Sounds about right…

My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020

#16 Yikes…

My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 19, 2019

#17 Parenting requires a strong stomach at all times…

I was in a very bad mood today. Then my 3 year old walked over, handed me a rock, patted my face and said “mommy, you’re perfect, here’s a present for you”. And I smiled.

And then I realized the rock was a cat turd.
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) March 12, 2020

#18 Ha ha ha ha…

Last week a friend told me she’s looking forward to her toddler turning 3 because she’s tired of the defiant stage. I’m still laughing.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 11, 2022

#19 That about sums it up!

Imagine it's Sunday morning. You've been allowed to sleep in as long as you want, and you have no chores or responsibilities all day. There's fresh fallen snow on the ground. Your mom makes Cinnamon rolls and serves you breakfast. But you're almost 3, so you are blind with rage.
— John Smillie (@JohnSmillie42) January 22, 2023

#20 That’s about as good a job as I do!

My nearly three year old has mentioned opening up a mobile nail bar and I feel that if I’m to get behind her then the least I could do is drum up some interest on here. See where it takes her.

She’s got great chat, an eye for colour & this only cost me £1.

DM me if interested. pic.twitter.com/oeuC0N3qLA
— Catmandoodle (@CatrionaMcNicol) January 26, 2020