20 Hilarious Tweets From "I Hide From My Kids"

Today I’m sharing the very funny account “I Hide From My Kids”. Her tweets on marriage and parenting are honest and relatable and I thought you all would enjoy them.

There were so many funny tweets to choose from I actually had a really hard time picking only 20.

But I’ve finally narrowed it down to my favorites here…hope these give you some laughs!

Janene

#1

8yo overheard me talking about getting laser eye surgery and got scared that I could shoot her with my eyes when I get mad. I don’t think I’m going to correct her.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 7, 2023

#2

Picked my kid up from a playdate at a pristine home and the mom said “excuse the mess” so I guess that’s the end of that friendship.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 15, 2023

#3

My kid said he knew I was the tooth fairy so instead of money I put a kazoo under his pillow and now he’s a believer because “mommy would NEVER let me have this”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 3, 2023

#4

I love how my husband and I are always on the same page like when I suggested we hire an electrician and months later when he finally admitted he couldn’t fix the problem he also suggested we hire an electrician
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 10, 2023

#5

“You’re so lucky you’re an adult and can do whatever you want”
-My 8yo, on our way to her 7AM hockey game
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 3, 2024

#6

The biggest lie I learned in school was that women reach their sexual peak at 40. All 40yo me wants is to scroll my phone and eat my bowl of mashed potatoes
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 6, 2023

#7

Our fave ice cream shop got robbed and my 9yo started bawling. I couldn’t understand why until she said “SOMEONE STOLE ALL THE ICE CREAM?!”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 18, 2024

#8

1980s moms had to be strong so they could go room to room confiscating 300lb stereos and TVs as punishment. All we have to do is change the wifi password.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 11, 2023

#9

My kids and I play this fun game where I wake up early to enjoy a coffee alone and they wake up earlier to make sure that I don’t
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 2, 2022

#10

Took my 8yo to the museum and she asked if every picture was the Mona Lisa then when we left she made sure to tell the people in line “don’t bother, this museum doesn’t even have the Mona Lisa”.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 16, 2023

#11

My mom once slapped ketchup and cheese on Wonder bread and called it pizza and my kids are complaining that their sushi isn’t cut to their satisfaction
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 2, 2023

#12

My 7yo says “trust me” a lot for someone who lies about wearing underwear
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 21, 2022

#13

A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming “WHAT’S THAT” and a driving parent yelling “I CAN’T SEE WHAT YOU’RE POINTING AT” repeat until everyone is crying
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 2, 2023

#14

My husband could never cheat on me because he would literally need me to make that plan for him.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 24, 2021

#15

I asked a question in a meeting and no one answered so I said “Bueller?” and my colleague said “there’s no one here by that name here”. Please send wine and a headhunter to my hole in the ground.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 3, 2023

#16

I’m so glad I’ve paid for a season’s worth of watching other people’s kids play soccer while my daughter sips at her water like it’s shaken not stirred
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 29, 2022

#17

If you can’t tell me where you were during the OJ Simpson car chase then I don’t wanna hear your life advice
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 12, 2022

#18

If you’re on the fence about getting your kid a cellphone, my MIL stopped calling me and calls my kid instead
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 8, 2023

#19

Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 23, 2022

#20

My kid does an amazing old lady impression with a toothless grin, a pretend cane, a bent posture and says in her old lady voice “I was born in 1983”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 1, 2022

You can follow “I Hide From My Kids” on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for more!

20 Hilarious Tweets From “I Hide From My Kids”

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

#18

#19

#20

For more laughs, check out: “Caught in the Act: 21 Hilarious Tweets About Kids Trying to Get Away With Mischief”

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

#18

#19

#20

For more laughs, check out: “Caught in the Act: 21 Hilarious Tweets About Kids Trying to Get Away With Mischief”

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