Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? My one and only phone that I and I alone use to log in several times every single day? And the geographical location is my *house*, you say? Thank you so much for warning me I will contact interpol
— Luke Kennard (@LukeKennard) June 7, 2024
#2
Microwaves be like: Here's your hot bowl of cold spaghetti.
— MA LE BO (@Melo_Malebo) June 6, 2024
#3
I'm at a college graduation and the person reading off the names is running through them like an auctioneer. We're going to get through all 600 grads in like 20 minutes. People in this audience are going to name their babies after this hero.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 8, 2024
#4
My mom's kitchen floor was so clean you could eat off it. You can eat off mine too. There's all kinds of stuff down there.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) March 2, 2022
#5
The fridge beeped at my 5yo because he left the door open too long deciding what to eat, and he yelled back IT’S AN EMERGENCY OK
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 13, 2023
#6
today a client told me, "I'll have to call back. My 4 year old just walked in covered in avocado." and I said, "Holy Guacamole!" and she did not laugh. 🥑
— Joni Baloni 🐈💨 (@kielbasanova) January 25, 2022
#7
I have absolutely no idea how fast I’m driving unless my wife is in the car with me.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) September 9, 2018
#8
Overheard my kids whispering outside my bedroom door and one of them said “she hasn’t had coffee yet” and then they both backed away from my door and it was quiet again.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 18, 2023
#9
How to eat French fries:
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) March 13, 2013
1) Eat all the good ones.
2) Leave the yucky ones and feel superior.
3) Wait 5 minutes.
4) Eat all the yucky ones.
#10
me: i would like to buy a piano
— spooky shawn 🇵🇸🇺🇦 (@shawnathan37) January 27, 2022
yamaha: okay
me: i also need a motorcycle where do you think i can find a good one
yamaha: ur not gonna believe this
#11
I went the extra mile today …
— A Shot of Steve™ ⚡️ (@SteveKoehler22) July 13, 2021
missed my exit on the highway.
#12
going to TJ Maxx. does anyone need any new clothes and/or gourmet pasta shells?
— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) April 30, 2024
#13
When you compliment a Midwesterner on an item of clothing it is their legal obligation to explain how it was purchased on sale.
— Midwest vs. Everybody (@midwestern_ope) June 9, 2024
#14
It’s wild how I barely notice the flavor of a cucumber when I bite into one, but when I taste an “infused” water I’m like BY JOVE, A CUCUMBER’S BEEN HERE I’D BET MY LIFE ON IT.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 5, 2024
#15
This morning my 3yo was mad and told me he wanted a different mama and I said “what kind of mama do you want?” And he said “one who wears a black suit”. I think about the ways I’m failing as a parent a lot but I hadn’t even considered that it’s bc I don’t have a black suit.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 9, 2023
#16
saw a tiktok of a woman being like “here’s a trick i learned in italy” and she just squeezed lemon juice into her coke
— latke la cerva (@latkedelrey) October 10, 2023
#17
I knew I'd get too old to recognize new celebrities but I did not expect to get too old to recognize what celebrities are famous for. every day I go "is that a new singer" and then a person born in 2007 goes "ew no they're a peeble streamer on doop" as I inch closer to the grave
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 4, 2023
#18
I've spent 8 hours cleaning my house!! Keep in mind that this is over a period of 25 years, but still.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) July 22, 2021
#19
![](https://www.imightbefunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/6924.jpg)
#20
i don't do rides at the fair cause how you just pull a roller coaster out a suitcase
— ً (@onlysimpin) November 17, 2023