Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 2020
#2
i love getting to the end of IKEA instructions when it’s like “ok now attach it to the wall so it won’t fall and kill anybody” and then i safely toss the instructions in the trash
— octave (@curtofranklin) May 12, 2024
#3
NO i dont want to make an account NO i dont want to download the app I want to feel the sun in my face i want to swim in a mountain stream
— sensory homunculette (@myfriendcallie) February 12, 2025
#4
How to eat French fries:
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) March 13, 2013
1) Eat all the good ones.
2) Leave the yucky ones and feel superior.
3) Wait 5 minutes.
4) Eat all the yucky ones.
#5
The fridge beeped at my 5yo because he left the door open too long deciding what to eat, and he yelled back IT’S AN EMERGENCY OK
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 13, 2023
#6
today a client told me, "I'll have to call back. My 4 year old just walked in covered in avocado." and I said, "Holy Guacamole!" and she did not laugh. 🥑
— Joni Baloni 🐈💨 (@kielbasanova) January 25, 2022
#7
I miss the days when a doctor would prescribe that you go sit by the sea to cure your agonies
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) January 26, 2025
#8
Overheard my kids whispering outside my bedroom door and one of them said “she hasn’t had coffee yet” and then they both backed away from my door and it was quiet again.
— krista (@kristabellerina) October 18, 2023
#9
It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.
— jaye. (@jayemonet) February 10, 2025
#10
Having leftovers as a kid: this is the worst day of my LIFE!!!
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) February 17, 2025
Having leftovers as an adult: the gods have shined brightly on me today. I will always remember this moment and the chilled salty taste of this glorious, lifesaving vegetable pad Thai
#11
Being a baby must be scary, imagine sleeping at home & you wake up at TJMAXX
— 🎭 🇲🇽 (@xigotsoul) May 9, 2024
#12
Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 11, 2025
#13
i don't do rides at the fair cause how you just pull a roller coaster out a suitcase
— ً (@onlysimpin) November 17, 2023
#14
Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.
— Shannon (@gardengirl125) February 15, 2025
#15
saw a tiktok of a woman being like “here’s a trick i learned in italy” and she just squeezed lemon juice into her coke
— latke (@latkedelrey) October 10, 2023
#16
I knew I'd get too old to recognize new celebrities but I did not expect to get too old to recognize what celebrities are famous for. every day I go "is that a new singer" and then a person born in 2007 goes "ew no they're a peeble streamer on doop" as I inch closer to the grave
— Janel Comeau 🍁 (@VeryBadLlama) August 4, 2023
#17
I've spent 8 hours cleaning my house!! Keep in mind that this is over a period of 25 years, but still.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) July 22, 2021
#18
Waitress: What would you like to eat?
— 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗠𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗮 (@txsalth2o) February 15, 2025
My 12 yr old Asperger son: Hamburger plain and dry- nothing on it just meat, bun and bacon.
Waitress: How would you like that burger cooked?
12 yr old: Delicious
#19
THRILLED to announce i did an Ironman this weekend! (attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days)
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) February 11, 2025
