I worked as a substitute teacher for several years and one thing I know is that there is never a dull moment in the life of a teacher!
Another thing I know is that most teachers have a great sense of humor – it’s practically a requirement if you’re working with kids.
Here are the funniest quips from teachers that had us laughing in 2024, hope these bring you some laughs!
Janene
#1
Me: okay everyone fold the top of your page over like this so we remember what chapter we’re on for next time
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) May 20, 2024
3rd grader: we’re not supposed to do that with books
Me: well they’re my books and I don’t mind so go ahead
3rd g: I can’t. The police might come for me
#2
Yesterday one of my students told me that whenever he runs into a teacher outside of school in he never says hi because it’ll “Damage his street cred” so I reminded him that he has no street cred cause his mom still makes his lunch
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) April 26, 2024
#3
3rd grader: why do you have that?
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) May 16, 2024
Me: my nose ring? I just like it
3rd g: it looks like they put it right through your actual nose
Me: they did
3rd g: oh my god. With a stapler?
#4
Me to my first grade class: Everyone please close your eyes for a minute.
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) February 5, 2024
6yo: Did you forget to put on your deodorant again?
#5
Wearing very loud sandals today and as I whap whap whapped down the staircase at school a passing middle schooler shouted “GOD MISS THEM FLIPS IS FLOPPIN”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) April 11, 2024
#6
My teacher education program didn’t prepare me for being bullied by 10 year olds for having a knock-off Stanley tumbler
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 15, 2024
#7
Email received from student: “I was planning to come to office hours today but on my way I found myself in a situation of saving a baby duck so can I schedule another time to meet?”.
— Dr Victoria Austen (@Vicky_Austen) May 9, 2024
They then attached picture of said baby duck.
10/10. No notes.
#8
6yo: Teacher, I had my first baseball game yesterday and I got hit in the mouth with the ball.
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) February 17, 2024
Me: Oh no! That must have hurt.
6: Yeah, but it was worth it. I got $5 from the tooth fairy because it knocked my tooth out.
#9
I ran into one of my students at the grocery store with some wine in my cart and he said “that’s because of us isn’t it?”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 27, 2024
#10
From my Facebook memories:
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) October 11, 2024
1st Grader: Sometimes when I lose my tooth, I have to wait to get the money from the tooth fairy until my mom's next payday.
3rd Grader: Yeah, because the tooth fairy isn't real.
1st Grader: No, because the tooth fairy has the same payday as my mom.
#11
Working with kids will really strengthen you for everything in life.
— Kam 💕 (@MadammeKam) September 5, 2024
Why this little girl felt a little hair on my chin and whispered in my ear
“umm Miss Camille are you a daddy?”
#12
Made friends w a child at the stingray tank at the aquarium, we were equally apprehensive ab touching the stingrays & then he said “I’ve been here before for school” & I said “wow, is it just like you remember it?” & he pointed to one specific stingray & said “yeah he was here”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) May 31, 2024
#13
Doing my civic duty by ensuring that my students know the difference between “lose” and “loose.”
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) March 8, 2024
#14
Me: Wears a new outfit to work. Feeling good.
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) April 23, 2024
First grader (raises hand): My grandma has that shirt.
#15
I was at bus duty today.
— joycoffee (@joypcoffee) February 16, 2024
A girl maybe 6 or 7.
Says….you’re so pretty and how old are you?
I said, why thank you and I’m 52.
She said, well that’s a big number.
#16
All I’m saying is, if you sit down next to me on the couch, you’re getting a pile of math papers to grade.
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) March 2, 2024
#17
Student evals:
— Helen Davies (@HelsinHashtags) May 15, 2024
Question "How could the instuctor have Improved the class?"
Student Answer "Dr. Davies mentioned at the start of the semester that she got a new puppy and never shared a photo"
You know, fair, honestly
#18
Never be late to a school event if you have a 6 year old. You have no idea how many times I’ve been told, “We’re late because my dad had to poop.”
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) May 4, 2024
#19
None of my students have seen the movie Groundhog Day and as a teacher it is my responsibility to right this wrong.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) February 2, 2024
#20
My last name starts with a W and today one of my third graders said “the w is falling off your name” and I said “what name” and he said “up there” and I said “that’s the word welcome” and he said wearily “you KNOW I can’t read” pic.twitter.com/XlE2lmxKvE
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) March 5, 2024
#21
It was dress like a student day and my students had no idea that was me with my head down until 5 minutes into the class when they were wondering where I was, so I think I nailed it. 🍎😂 pic.twitter.com/JG0I5Lcljm
— Nicholas Ferroni (@NicholasFerroni) March 8, 2024
#22
Today a kindergartener asked me if he could ask me a question and I said "sure" and then he did a somersault.
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) September 9, 2024
#23
*Me getting set up for a movie and popcorn party on the last day of school*
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) June 3, 2024
6: (referring to the DVD) Is that the movie?
Me: Yes
6: Really?
Another 6: I think my grandma has those circle things.
#24
“It’s still inside my pencil” is the best answer I’ve ever had from a first grader who was asked, “Where’s your journal writing?”
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) September 8, 2024
#25
