I worked as a substitute teacher for several years and one thing I know is that there is never a dull moment in the life of a teacher!
Another thing I know is that most teachers have a great sense of humor – it’s practically a requirement if you’re working with kids.
I’ve rounded up some of the funniest quips from teachers this year…hope these bring you some laughs!
Janene
#1
Today a spider was hanging from the ceiling, and my students noticed it but continued to take notes and pay attention to my presentation. That is how amazing I am at classroom management.
— Nicholas Ferroni (@NicholasFerroni) January 4, 2023
I’m kidding. It was absolute chaos. Students screamed, until I caught it.
#2
Giving my classroom gluesticks human names has been revolutionary. Does a student care if a glue stick goes missing? No! Do they care if DEREK the glue stick has not been returned? ABSOLUTELY. It’s like a manhunt until Derek has been returned to his rightful spot.
— Miss B (@MissBThe3rd) September 27, 2023
#3
I just told a 1st grader, "We don't have time for you to run for mayor of the cafeteria." And he said, "I can't do that anyway, I'm already sheriff of the library." Then he walked out to the bus with exaggerated wide steps so as not to catch his trouser hems on imaginary spurs.
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) January 19, 2023
#4
Sent two of my third grade girls back to class and said “I love you you’re so smart and special and beautiful and strong have an amazing and wonderful day” and one said “that made me feel good” and the other said “that was a lot of adjectives”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) December 13, 2023
#5
Me: sprays on new perfume
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) September 5, 2023
First grader (as we walk into classroom): You smell like chicken nuggets.
#6
I have a student with Down Syndrome who has decided that the proper way to greet me is to regally bow and address me as “Your Highness” and now I will expect this from everyone always.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) November 3, 2023
#7
You can’t hurt me, you’re not one of my students asking me if we had electricity when I grew up in the late 1900’s
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) December 16, 2023
#8
4th grader: I saw you driving your car in the parking lot this morning
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) December 20, 2023
Me: yeah did you see how bad of a job I did?
4th g: yeah my mom said that too
#9
Me: We only go to websites that I say are okay. I know they are safe websites. I don't want you to go to a website that isn't safe.
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) August 29, 2023
Kindergartener: Yeah. It could have spiders on it.
#10
Sometimes, when addressing a class, I go, "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears." It's funny to me to quote Shakespeare to kindergarteners.
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) January 13, 2023
Then I overheard another teacher address the class, saying, "Friends!" And a kid told her, "Don't forget Romans and countrymen!"
#11
Me (reading question out loud): "Ramon wrote his name eight times. Which number is less than eight: ten, eight, or seven?"
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) October 26, 2023
Kindergartener: I've got a better question. What is Ramon even doing with his life?
#12
Two of my nephews call me Potatochip. One of them started kindergarten last week.
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) September 8, 2023
He was telling me a story from school. "Potatochip! Today in kindergarten – "
My sister said, "You know, Aunt Caitlin TEACHES kindergarten."
Nephew said, "Sorry. MISS Potatochip…"
#13
Two of my third graders just walked in on me eating veggie pasta and one said “your food is always so healthy” and the other said “she’s been eating hot Cheetos all morning I saw her”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) December 12, 2023
#14
Said to my fourth graders today “I can’t really see think I put my contacts in wrong” and one of my girls said “something is always going on with you”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) December 8, 2023
#15
Yesterday I asked my kindergartener what she did in school and she said "nothing," then later I went on Instagram and her teacher had posted a picture of her holding a crocodile.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 14, 2023
#16
Thinking about a former student who told me she had started watching old movies, and when I asked oh like Casablanca countered with no The Breakfast Club
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 14, 2023
#17
Help.
— LaToya Washington, M.Ed (@L_D_Washington) November 30, 2023
A student just told me I was one of the top teachers of all time.
"There was a lady who taught Helen Keller how to read. You're right under her."
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
#18
From fb memories 2019:
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) December 3, 2023
Me: *reading standardized test script* You will have 20 minutes to complete this part of the test. When you are done, you may go back and check your answers in this section only. Are there any questions?
Kid: Why doesn't my mom let me call her "Linda"?
#19
None of my high school students know who George Costanza is. Happy Tuesday.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) September 12, 2023
#20
My 13 y/o daughter told me that a boy in class kept yelling out “Your Mom” to the math teacher to answer his questions so the teacher stopped class, called his mom and made the boy apologize. This dude can teach algebra and life lessons at the same time.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 10, 2023
