The Twitter account “Dad Jokes” is always good for a laugh. I’ve sorted through their feed and rounded up the funniest ones for you here.
Enjoy!
Janene
#1
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating?”
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 28, 2023
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
#2
I named my dog 6 Miles.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) August 6, 2022
That way, I can tell everybody I walk 6 Miles everyday.
#3
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 11, 2023
She said, "How do you know it was on its way to work?”
#4
My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 16, 2024
I was taken aback….what a weird way to start a conversation.
#5
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) May 18, 2023
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
#6
I took my 8-year-old daughter to the office on 'Take Your Kid To Work Day' But when we walked in the office she started to cry.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) January 25, 2023
As concerned staff gathered round I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you work with.”
#7
My wife asked me today if I had seen
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 3, 2022
the dog bowl.
I said no I didn't know he could.
#8
My wife thinks it's weird that I stare at the window during a heavy rainstorm.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 7, 2023
It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in.
#9
My housemates are convinced our
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 1, 2023
house is haunted.
l've lived here for 235 years and not noticed anything strange.
#10
My granddad always said "When one door closes another one opens"
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 13, 2023
Lovely man, but a terrible cabinet maker.
#11
I asked my wife when her birthday was. She said March 1st.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 4, 2023
So I walked around the room and asked again.
#12
Arguing with my wife is like reading a software license agreement?
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) April 6, 2023
In the end I ignore it all and click “I agree.”
#13
Two antennas got married. The wedding was ok.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) August 6, 2022
But the reception was incredible.
#14
When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted. Turns out that is 9 pm.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) April 29, 2024
#15
I just locked eyes with a spider.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) June 4, 2023
But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.
#16
My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) January 29, 2023
No word yet.
#17
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) December 17, 2022
She gave me a hug.
#18
Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 30, 2022
They put me in the ICU.
#19
A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 22, 2022
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
#20
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me a laptop and said:
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 28, 2023
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.
Eventually he called me and said:
"Bring my laptop back now.”
I said: "$200 and it’s yours.”
You can follow Dad Jokes on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
