22 Viral Tweets from the Funniest Dads on the Internet

Raising teenagers makes raising a toddler look like the easiest time in my life. Sorry for the bad news, toddler parents.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2022

My kids are so open to experiencing culture. They’ll try anything, from chicken tenders at a Mexican restaurant to chicken tenders at a Mediterranean restaurant

— The Dad (@thedad) November 5, 2018

one thing about adulthood i was not prepared for was how many cardboard boxes i'd have to breakdown and throw away all the time.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 14, 2022

Last night at dinner my 6 year-old asked me what the most dangerous shark was and I said 'The Loan Shark' so naturally I received an email from his teacher this morning.

— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) September 21, 2022

[holding newborn as the nurses stitch my wife back up, change her sheets, inject her with pain meds, explain she needs a transfusion bc she lost a lot of blood during the 37 hour labour] we should name him after me

— brent (@murrman5) October 7, 2022

Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you exactly where something is but now has to get it herself because you couldn't find it.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2022

I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also know that she is 12 when kids eat free.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 10, 2022

DATING: can’t wait to see you again

MARRIAGE: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 21, 2020

my superpower is ruining my kids life by telling them to empty the dishwasher in between their schedule of doing nothing and nothing.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 16, 2022

My son is sick so his voice is all congested-sounding and he asked me for crepes for breakfast. So I googled a crepe recipe, made a crepe even though I never have before. Put it down in front of him and he was like “these are grapes?” He just wanted some grapes.

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 21, 2022

Me: You wanna watch the baseball game with me?

Teen daughter: No. I don’t like baseball.

Me: I didn’t like Little Mermaid, but I watched it 1,387 times. Now, go get your hat and jersey on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 25, 2022

I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that if I got a job as a UPS driver they'd probably let me work from home.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 14, 2022

My wife called and asked me to get the chicken thighs out of the freezer. I told her we don’t have any chicken thighs in the freezer so she said she’d check when she gets home- your thoughts and prayers are appreciated

— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) January 13, 2023

My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we don’t get a good grade on our daughter’s science fair project.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 11, 2022

Last night, my 3 year old kicked me during a tantrum. As I tucked him in bed later, he apologized. "I'll never kick you again," he said, pulling me in closer and kissing my cheek. "Just do exactly what I tell you to do and I'll never have to kick you again." My son is a mobster.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 4, 2019

15 yo daughter has a friend over and suddenly 13 yo son wants to walk around curling dumbbells.

— Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma (@Fulkery1) June 26, 2022

Took my 6 y/o daughter to a college football game and my dream of turning her into a fan quickly faded when she asked to go home in the first quarter because “we just watched this game on TV last week.”

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 18, 2023

My son just told me that he LOVES the new toy trucks they got at daycare. They are his toy trucks. We donated them because he refused to play with them.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 26, 2021

I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card. It sends the message that education is a priority in our household and it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 29, 2018

Whenever there's a baby delivered in a TV show, moms are required to say, "That's not a newborn."

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) October 3, 2022

My 7yo has three aunts. He calls them Auntie Ice Cream, Auntie Lego, and Auntie Pam. Time to step up your auntie game, Pam.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 2, 2022

parents of small children wondering when the early morning wake-ups end, my daughter in college sent an emergency text at 6am because she needs a fly swatter for her dorm, so the answer is never

— 🌜🤷‍♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 4, 2022