Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week

I have one intelligent child who is designing a parachute and, putting this as politely as I can, I have another child willing to try the parachute.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2023

“Guess what! We have a picture of our car!!!” -my 2.5yo showing my mom the speeding ticket we got in the mail.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 3, 2023

Hear me out a party bus but it picks up other moms and we get to sleep while it drives around playing true crime podcasts and nobody talks to us or asks us for anything

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) September 4, 2021

I asked my wife if she wanted anything from Taco Bell and she said no. I brought home $84 worth just to be safe.

— Yard Dad (@IAmYardDad) February 28, 2023

My husband suggested we visit a different grocery store while we were in town today and the level of excitement we both felt as grown adults was something I was not prepared for

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) February 25, 2023

My 9 y/o told me he sat alone at lunch yesterday. When I asked why, he said…“Bc Melinda likes to mix her applesauce w/ ketchup and eat it…It’s gross, and I’m done dealin with that…She can just be nasty by herself.”

Fair enough. No notes.

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 2, 2023

13: Want to drive me to school?

Me: Not really, that's why you take the bus.

13: We can stop at Starbucks on the way.

Me: It's not on the way.

13: I'll pay.

Me: You should lead with that next time. Let's go.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 28, 2023

I'm just really, really grateful that I got to become a parent in the Bluey/Ms Rachel era and not the Caillou/Max & Ruby era.

— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) March 1, 2023

I asked my son what he was doing in his room. He said, "working from home." He was doing homework lol

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) March 1, 2023

When I was a kid I couldn’t wait to be the one in charge of dinner every night. Idiot.

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 2, 2023

My kid told me one of his teachers was born in 2000 and why would he say something so hurtful

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 25, 2023

My son cleaned his room and just like that I have silverware again.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 3, 2023

Me: [buys four boxes of Girl Scout Cookies]

[Later]

Me [walking into house]: Hey I bought a box of Girl Scout Cookies.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 3, 2023

Sometimes I wonder what my husband does with all the time he saves by setting his recycling on the counter instead of below it in the bin.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 28, 2023

My 6 yo just walked in my closet and said she’s going to “dress like an old lady” then came out wearing clothes I wear currently…like pretty much every day.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) March 1, 2023

Me, passing on the wisdom of my ancestors to my kids: It’s “righty tighty, lefty loosey.”

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 28, 2023

My son asked my husband if he ever has fun at work and without any hesitation my husband told him that one time he got to go on the roof of his office building.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 28, 2023

Sitting across from the 5yo at dinner and something came up and I knew – I KNEW – she was about to say a bad word. I looked at her and she looked at me and I shook my head and said “don’t” and without taking her eyes off me she whispered “I’m thinking it”.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) March 4, 2023

Nothing good happens when your wife ends the sentence with your name.

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) March 2, 2023

This is the patrol patch for my 12-year-old's all-girl Boy Scout Troop. They're the Goofy Goober Gooses, and, yes, that goose is holding a knife. I understand now why the BSA waited so long to let in girls. They were afraid, and rightfully so. pic.twitter.com/4PJ3qCn8NA

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 1, 2023