21 of the Best Quips From Women This Week

why do sunglasses look better on top of ur head than on ur face

— ً (@kateinwords) April 18, 2025

weekends as an adult are neat because you can either do all your errands or you can do the things you enjoy but either way it’s the wrong choice

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 17, 2025

A watched pot never boils, but an unwatched pot also never boils, mostly because I turned the wrong burner on

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 14, 2025

Outlook: You have 1 unread email.

Me: I do? Where?

Outlook: lol, well that’s the big mystery. Anyway, have a fun day!

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 17, 2025

Sometimes the only way I know my friends are still alive is from the memes they send

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 16, 2025

Last night my husband rolled over in his sleep and I heard him mumble ‘she ate all the cheese.’ You guysss he dreams about me.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 17, 2025

The meteorologist who devised the windchill factor has died. He was 86.

But he felt like 75.

— 𝕁. (@jtothet) April 15, 2025

Friend: I need some advice

Me (soaking up a water spill with my sock): You’ve come to the right person

— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) April 15, 2025

how to fold a fitted sheet is none of my business

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 15, 2025

Husband and I went into Target while his car was charging and I had forgotten what a delight it is to shop with this man. The first aisle I went down he said, “What do you need on this aisle?” Sir. That is simply not how this works.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 15, 2025

Stages of dieting for a vacation:

1. It’s cool, I have plenty of time.
2. Oh well, too late now.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 14, 2025

Please don’t invite me anywhere if there’s no food. Idc if we’re running errands, we’re not stopping for food? No coffee? No little snacky snack?

— Genie (@lettersfromjuno) April 18, 2025

Dude, no one warned me about the gardening addiction that accompanies aging.

IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!

It's like I don't even know who I am.

— 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗠𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗮 (@txsalth2o) April 17, 2025