20 Funny and Spot-On Tweets Only Women Will Truly Understand

Me to saleswoman: Do u have regular, not size 0, women’s jeans

Her: Oh you mean big jeans?

Me: No, no, not big…just jeans that fit women, not teenagers

Her: *yells across store* BRITTNEY DO WE HAVE BIG JEANS? THIS LADY NEEDS BIG JEANS

Long story short, I need bail money

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 8, 2020

Men will be like “women are such a mystery” while walking past the basket that has been strategically placed at the bottom of the stairs for the 80th time.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 24, 2022

Hmm yes I’m fully aware that the gynecologist is about to look inside my body but I’ll continue hiding my bra and underwear under my folded jeans thank you

— Sam Reece (@ItSamReece) December 26, 2020

Whenever there's a baby delivered in a TV show, moms are required to say, "That's not a newborn."

— A Dad Influence #🟦 (@gbergan) October 3, 2022

I was really cranky and my husband asked if I was about to get my period and I said “JUST BC A WOMAN IS CRANKY DOESN’T MEAN SHE’S ABOUT TO GET HER PERIOD” but then I did get my period and I had to pretend I didn’t get my period so I didn’t have to admit that’s why I was cranky

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 11, 2021

A woman cut in front of me at the store with a box of tampons, ice cream, and wine in her cart. I wasn’t about to mess with that situation.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 1, 2016

No one goes to target because they need something. You go to target and let target tell you what you need.

— haley (@haley_copeland) January 31, 2018

If I complain about being out of shape I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 6, 2021

My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can’t carry 23 items in my arms through the store

— Kristen (@Kica333) February 9, 2018

I accidentally squeezed out conditioner first. I held it in my palm and, with my other hand, squeezed shampoo onto my wrist, scooped it up and washed my hair with one hand. Then I used the conditioner.

Guys reading this have no idea why, but most women are like, “I get it.”

— Becky Vieira | Witty Otter (@wittyotter_) March 31, 2021

Took my puppy to the vet today and they distracted him with a cozy bed, cookies, and cheese so my gynecologist needs to up their game.

— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) September 16, 2022

My husband didn’t have Snapchat so I convinced him to download it “because it will be fun!” and the first request he received was from his ex-girlfriend, so I deleted my husband’s Snapchat bc what grown man needs a stupid Snapchat anyway.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 17, 2018

I sometimes enjoy dressing up and going out to socialize, but dear God, is there a simpler joy on this planet other than sitting ugly, bra-less and comfortable in your own home covered in corn chip crumbs? 5/5 Highly recommend.

— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) June 26, 2019

Behind every great man is the drawer I need to get into why are you even in the kitchen right now

— human aaron (@humanaaron) August 29, 2020

The mechanic asked if I needed to call my husband before buying new tires for my car, so I asked him where the rotary phone was so I could call the 1950s

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 11, 2023

I never buy chips because then I’ll eat them, so instead I look in my pantry everyday and am disappointed that I don’t have any chips.

— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) August 27, 2018

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 8, 2022

I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s a second passenger who’s not wearing their seatbelt.

— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) July 9, 2019

A woman could have four broken limbs and massive internal injuries due to an epic battle with fire-breathing dragons, and the first question the doctor’s office will ask is, “What is the date of your last menstrual period?”

— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) May 8, 2021

Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2020

I wonder what it's like to be able to put your hair in a low ponytail and not look like a founding father

— daisy (@megan_middle) June 30, 2017