Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 9, 2020
#2
My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some hard truths about myself
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 24, 2025
#3
5: mummy I like your hair
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) February 8, 2022
Me: thanks sweetie
5: please can I have the tape I didn’t break anything in your bedroom
#4
The people at the doctor's office just tried to reassure me that my son isn't the worst kid they've ever seen by telling me a story about the time a kid yanked a banner down from the ceiling. What they didn't realize was it was a story about my kid.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 23, 2022
#5
Are you happily married or did your husband just walk past the full trash can for the 3rd time?
— VodkaAndStringCheese (@VodkaAndCheeze) August 16, 2020
#6
Marriage is equal parts "I would die without you" and "For the love of God, do you have to sneeze like that?"
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) June 6, 2019
#7
I haven’t licked an envelope in over two decades without thinking of George Costanza.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) October 2, 2022
#8
My mum said she had to stop watching a show she liked as every episode ends on a "coat hanger" and I'm not correcting her as this should be a thing
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) August 8, 2024
#9
Just thought you’d all want to know: that huge box of random cables and power cords we all have? I threw mine away two years ago and I’m fine so far.
— Mueller, She Wrote (@MuellerSheWrote) August 20, 2023
#10
I hate watching an episode a week, I'm more of a season a day kinda person.
— SuaveCito 🤌🏾 (@ImSoClassic) July 31, 2024
#11
5 asked me to come to her hairdressing salon, put some accessories in my hair then looked at me and said “well your hair looks good now but I don’t know what we can do with your face”. Worst hairdresser I’ve been to, do not recommend
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 16, 2022
#12
I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 27, 2023
#13
It’s always weird seeing an Old Navy in an indoor mall. That’s a strip mall store. Get back outside
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 15, 2024
#14
The hardest part of dating is having to tell your story all over again to a new person like you got accidentally hung up on by Tech Support
— Daley Haggar (@d_haggar) July 25, 2023
#15
Your elementary school wasn't normal unless you had random square dancing lessons during PE class.
— Brock (@Brock_Teee) December 11, 2023
#16
Just walked to the grocery store at 10 PM and saw a disgruntled father walking out with his teen daughter, who was holding a tri-fold poster board and looked harried. Pray for this family.
— Alyssa Leader (@alittleleader) May 21, 2024
#17
(a movie starts and a character is there) my mom: who’s that
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 17, 2023
#18
I refuse to bookmark a website. I will simply use the far more logical system of keeping 400 tabs open on 32 browser windows until my computer crashes and I can finally be free.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 8, 2022
#19
When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 23, 2024
#20
every time I leave the house and walk around in the sun I’m like wait. WAIT. staying inside sitting in a chair all day might actually be really bad for me
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 23, 2024
