Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
Today, I saw 2 teenagers kissing in the park.
— hoppity ن 🇻🇦 〓〓 𖦏 (@carambar_fraise) July 25, 2024
It reminded me of my teenage days, when I used to see other teenagers kissing in the park.
#2
my sister in law got a package of 96 diapers at her baby shower and my brother said “oh awesome that’s 96 days worth of diapers”
— Emma Berquist (@eeberquist) January 18, 2020
#3
the smug way my wife walks into the kitchen, casually opens a drawer, and pulls out the exact item she needs on the first try
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 1, 2024
#4
Girls are like "how do you not remember my favorite food" idk how do you not remember what all your leg bruises are from?
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) June 8, 2020
#5
Helping in the kitchen this morning. So far I’ve used 467 paper towels.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 24, 2022
#6
I told him we have stairs and he said he likes stairs
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 10, 2024
-my kid, really selling this playdate to his friend
#7
My washing machine claiming it only has 1 minute left is why I have trust issues
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 12, 2024
#8
I just got a text from the hospital to confirm my appointment and let me know that they were changing it to a virtual visit.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 24, 2024
My appointment is for a colonoscopy.
#9
Thrilled to announce that instead of saying “What are you doing?” my 2-year-old child goes around asking, in a tiny haunting voice, “What have you done?”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) July 30, 2022
#10
doing this cool thing in my house where I replace mundane words to sound more fun! For instance, "chores" have been replaced with "quests" and you "level up" when you complete a "quest"
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) December 7, 2023
I am currently at level 0 and have done 0 quests
#11
most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) July 23, 2024
#12
if i knew how to back flip that'd be my response to everything
— jynx (@jynxbby) July 24, 2024
#13
honestly obsessed w the high drama of toddlers. my 2 year old fell & bumped her knee and she looked up at me like an ailing Victorian child & said “will I ever walk again??????????”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 9, 2024
#14
one time in high school my brother took my car and CRASHED it, got it fixed and put it back in the driveway all within my 6hr school day and he kept it a secret for 4 years!!! i think that’s the most sibling thing ever
— jenny t (@jrtyszka) May 29, 2018
#15
Just over heard my husband telling the dog that he wants nothing more in life than to pet him, so I guess that was 16 years and three kids well spent
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 1, 2024
#16
Canceling my therapy appointment bc I had a bagel and I feel a little better now
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) October 24, 2024
#17
Successfully backed out of the driveway without a backup camera just like my ancestors used to do.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) July 25, 2024
#18
My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I'm loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen "to get something."
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 23, 2024
#19
My 5-year-old told me a school friend gave him his address so he can go over for play dates.
— Nicole St. Denis (@nicosttweets) April 11, 2024
The address: pic.twitter.com/mfUjY9OaVN
#20 LOL no way am I going down those stairs!!
Whoever did this at my job needs to be escorted out by noon today pic.twitter.com/uZHd8WFu6I
— Mixx /G (@Ras_Mixx) October 22, 2024
