Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have….

My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!

Me, now whispering: …your leggings on inside out, but please… go live your life.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023

Told my 2yo we could do something just me and him this afternoon and asked what he wanted to do and he said "Can I have a meltdown?" Honestly, sure, this advanced warning is great for planning purposes, and appreciate it.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 5, 2023

To think today’s kids will never know the thrill of making a collect call. “You have a collect call from Momitsme Pickmeup.” What a loophole.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 2, 2023

My kid: Mommy’s mad.
Husband: No she’s not. She told me she was fine.
My kid: I’ve known mommy for less years than you and even I know “I’m fine” means that she is definitely mad.

— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) April 6, 2023

Apparently at my daughter’s middle school, they’re having a big problem with the students ordering doordash to be delivered at the front office for their lunch. 😂

— Irreverent Reverend ✊🏼🙏🏼 (@TheAmberPicota) April 5, 2023

Please make sure your kid's middle name pairs well with their first name because you'll be yelling that combo more than you think.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 5, 2023

My toxic trait is skipping the cart at the grocery store thinking I only need a couple things and then getting to the checkout with 57 things precariously balanced on various parts of my body.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 5, 2023

My daughter should win an Oscar for her dramatic performance in “Please Bring The Dishes Down From Your Room”

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 2, 2023

My husband went from “It’s just a dog” to “This Brita water is for the dog.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 5, 2023

Are you even a parent if you haven't threatened to turn the car around while on a car trip with the kids?

— ❤️‍🔥 Jolie Reverie ❤️‍🔥 (@joliereverie1) April 7, 2023

People without kids will apologize for all the mess in their house and it's just one cushion on its side

— The Dad (@thedad) April 5, 2023

My hiccups are becoming louder as I get older. Another sign my dad powers are growing

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 4, 2023

The neighbor's 5yo keeps yelling "are we boyfriend and girlfriend" across the fence at my 5yo, and my kid just came running in the house and slammed the door, so I guess that answers that

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 6, 2023

My daughter apologized to me for waking up grumpy after she ate breakfast but also reminded me that “anything I say before pancakes cannot be used against me.” Can’t argue with an 11 y/o who knows her rights.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 1, 2023

I found out today that my 5yo thought the dollar store is a place where you can get dollars.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) April 5, 2023

Kid: I love you
Me: to the moon?
Kid: yeah
Me: and back?
Kid: yeah
Me: and back again?
Kid: no, that's too much love

— Karen (@AntsyButterfly) March 31, 2023

teenagers will really wake up at 2 am and make a 4 course meal of ramen noodles, burritos, chips and oreos. then go right back to bed like it was nothing.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 7, 2023

Please excuse the mess, I get distracted halfway through each task so my house looks even worse by the end of the day.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 6, 2023

My son said it’s not fair I’m the only one that sleeps alone because my sisters sleep together and so do you and dad. I said I totally understand you can sleep with dad and I’ll take your room.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 3, 2023

Last night, I hid the Oreos under my son's folded clothes in a basket and asked him to put it away… which he SWEARS he did.

Now he's standing in front of the pantry freaking out that the Oreos are gone. Who wants to tell him?

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 7, 2023