Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week

My 3-year-old's favorite game is Restaurant which just entails her putting on a chef's hat and me ordering dessert and no matter what I order she says, "We don't have that."

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) March 6, 2023

My 12-year-old has gone to lots of dances with her friends.

Tonight, she's going to one with… a boy.

I think this counts as her first date ever.

I can't believe she ignored my one rule: to never, ever grow up.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2023

I’m a mom of 3 and the truth is I DO have a favorite child. It’s my 3YO nephew who called me a “beautiful flower” then ate the breakfast I made with no complaints.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) March 9, 2023

I don’t remember what I did yesterday but I can sing all 50 states in alphabetical order from a song I learned in junior high.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 4, 2023

Welcome to motherhood.

You now have a rock collection.

It’s in your purse.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 7, 2023

My 1yo, staring me dead in the eye after I spent all day feeding, changing, bathing, entertaining, and tending to her every need: “Dada.”

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 9, 2023

A 5th grader at my daughter’s school is making his own animated series and hiring kids to do voices for it and holding Zoom auditions and my daughter missed her audition and was freaking out like "I really need this job!!!" and emailed the kid to reschedule and I am RIVETED

— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 10, 2023

ah yes, hamsters – nature's baseball pic.twitter.com/jbB6CggLW1

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 10, 2023

Ruin your teenagers day by looking in their general direction.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 4, 2023

I spent the morning volunteering in my 5yo’s kindergarten class. I’m here to tell you those teachers should be paid a billion dollars a year.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) March 9, 2023

My kid doesn't eat pasta with a little parmesan. He eats parmesan with a little pasta.

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) March 5, 2023

I’m sorry, I’m kinda a mess right now!

-me responding to all texts since 2006

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 9, 2023

If you’re on the fence about getting your kid a cellphone, my MIL stopped calling me and calls my kid instead

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 8, 2023

No one’s ever more confident than my teen daughter telling me how to do something she’s never done

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 6, 2023

It took 3 employees to help me complete “self-checkout” today.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 8, 2023

[3am]

no one:

not a soul:

my dog: *wonder if I can break the world record for how loud I lick myself

— 🌜🤷‍♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) March 4, 2023

My son asked me if I could draw a dinosaur for him, so I did, and then he looked at it and very quietly said “ok I guess not”.

— The Dad (@thedad) March 6, 2023

If you don’t say “Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog” every time you give your dog a treat, you’re too young to be friends with me

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 6, 2023

Legit call from the school:

Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report

— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023

a year ago i was dumped & facetimed my friend walking my dog and fell. she was concerned but not concerned enough to refrain from taking a screenshot and that is true friendship pic.twitter.com/nPtvfAMEXR

— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) March 7, 2023