Top 16 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My personal style can best be described as “this used to fit.”

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) December 14, 2022

🎶 He’s making a list…
He’s checking it twice…
He left it at home.
He’s texting his wife 🎶

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) December 14, 2022

My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) December 14, 2022

I actually asked for a vacuum for Christmas but my husband laughed and told me he isn’t that stupid

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 13, 2022

I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husband’s interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 14, 2022

Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 13, 2022

My 5yo asked me to help him put the ornaments on the Christmas tree but he made sure I knew “you can still help even though you’re not mommy”

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) December 12, 2022

15- I can’t wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day
Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, it’s simply magical

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 12, 2022

Me: How was school?

12-year-old: A kid laughed so hard soda came out his nose.

Me: I meant did you learn anything.

12: I learned soda can come out someone's nose.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2022

I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, ‘it’s okay, mommy does it too.’

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) December 13, 2022

My son wrote an essay about how much he hates mayonnaise, and it begins, "As a scribe I see fit to write down all my troubles" and ends "I fell to the ground and moaned for the next few hours, lying in the moonlight wishing to die."

— Bronwen Tate (@bronwentate) December 16, 2022

Driving my son to school this morning and I had my music on. He says “what is this, 1950’s music they play at a diner?” It was Led Zeppelin. I’ve asked him to make other living arrangements.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) December 16, 2022

Nothing makes a husband get his act together faster than when he hears his wife start yelling at the kids.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 14, 2022

Found the kids playing "Catholic School" this morning where one is a student and the other is a "mean nun," entirely based on stories of my childhood 😳😂

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 17, 2022

The best thing about 3-year-old's is the way they do what they can with the words that they know. My daughter doesn't know the word "cough drop" so she is requesting medicine beans.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 17, 2022

Today, to get into the holiday spirit, my son and I built* a gingerbread house!

*my son ate 100 gumdrops, 3 handfuls of sprinkles, and a bag of icing; and I threw away 4 walls and a roof made of gingerbread after wiping down my entire kitchen twice

— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) December 12, 2022