25 Hilarious Tweets About Parenting Moments We Never Saw Coming

4 kids and 21 years of parenting did not prepare me for this morning when I told the 5yo she could pick anything she wanted as a Christmas gift for her big sister and now I’m sitting here wondering how I’m gonna wrap a cauliflower.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) November 23, 2022

Welcome to parenthood. Please choose where you'd like your child's acorn collection to be located:
A. On your living room floor
B. Buried in their bedsheets
C. In your bathtub

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 3, 2018

nothing prepared me for the part of parenting where you're driving with your three year old at sunset and he's screaming at you to "move the sun!!!!!!!!!!"

— emily may (@emilykmay) July 31, 2024

I never thought I’d have to hide Scotch tape in obscure places, but this is what parenting does to you, people.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 26, 2024

30% of parenting is just asking,
“Why is this wet?”

— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) March 20, 2019

“Your daughter has been training the other children to cry on demand, seemingly in order to disrupt the class” is among the many things that parenting books have not prepared me for

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) June 11, 2024

Parenting books never warned me how much I’d stress about socks. Are these your socks? Are these my socks? Where’s the other sock? No I don’t know where your sports socks are for the game tomorrow morning. Why is there a sock in the fridge? Why am I always buying socks

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 6, 2022

At some point you’ll think you have this parenting thing figured out. Then your child will ask you to take the cheese off of their macaroni.

— kidversations (@kidversations_) February 1, 2023

My 3yo just had the biggest meltdown and at one point he yelled "I'm going to sneak out of my room in the middle of the night and barricade the kitchen and so nobody in the family can eat food ever again" and I just don't know. No parenting book could have prepared me for him.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 27, 2024

I (43F) just had my son (17M) tell me, "You'll never appreciate Nirvana like I do," when a video of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" came on You Tube.

This is in zero parenting manuals.

— Rachel Hawkins/Erin Sterling (@LadyHawkins) October 12, 2023

My child is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your children

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) September 7, 2023

Parenting experts never warn you that one day you'll offer to let your son borrow one of your ties to match the suit he's wearing for prom and he'll respond by asking you if you have anything that's not from the 1900s

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯🎃Dad Moon Rising🎃🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 29, 2024

My 4yo was crying tonight because he wants to see all the snakes in Australia but he doesn’t want to have to sleep on a plane and sometimes I think I just wasn’t prepared to parent

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 22, 2024

No parenting book prepares you to answer the question, “Does Lightning McQueen have car insurance or life insurance?”

— jesse spector (@jessespector) May 16, 2024

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) August 26, 2018

Today at pick-up, the childcare teacher informed me that my darling son was caught red-handed trying to eat another child's banana. She showed me the confiscated banana as proof. I looked over at him sternly, and caught him trying to eat yet another child's banana.

— scary sarah (@sarahradz_) July 21, 2023

parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

— pumpkin pie crust (@OrdinaryAlso) August 8, 2024

no parenting books or conversations ever prepared me for what to do when I hear "I was bored so I woke the baby up"

— Made in Cosmos ✨ (@made_in_cosmos) July 7, 2024

Must’ve missed that part in the parenting book that said you’d be digging through last night’s trash for your son’s retainer.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 12, 2023

Welcome to parenthood. You never planned on saying things like, "I have to go potty" to another adult, but here we are.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 29, 2022

There needs to be a parenting book called “What To Expect – The Teen Years” because this is some next level bullshit.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 20, 2024

[watching the Little Mermaid]

Daughter: why didn’t Ariel just write Prince Eric a note?

Me: maybe she didn’t know how to write.

Daughter: but she signed her name on Ursula’s contract.

Me:

Daughter:

Me: [frantically flipping through parenting book].

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) January 5, 2020

There is no parenting book in the world that can prepare you for when your 11 year-old decides it's time to enter his Axe Body Spray years. This whole house smells like a New Jersey casino.

— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) February 15, 2022

My… My daughters built a slug hospital and found 30+ "patients" who are now escaping and nothing in the parenting books prepared me for this. pic.twitter.com/ckOfuIgyqo

— Chris Wilson (@[email protected]) (@cwilso) July 3, 2019

Legit call from the school:

Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report

— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023