25 Funny Tweets From Parents Who Have Had Enough

Someday, God willing, I will attend my children’s weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets.

— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) July 17, 2022

My kid had a sleepover and in the morning I offered to make waffles, but the friend said they couldn’t eat gluten or sugar or dairy, so I offered scrambled eggs and this kid goes…”Do you have duck eggs?”
Um. I’m sorry child this is not Scotland 1745, it’s my house.

— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) December 7, 2019

I was in a family bathroom and as my 4yo unlocked the door my 2yo pushed the handicap button right as I started to pee so I had to watch the door slowly open knowing that I couldn't get up and I peed with the door wide open. I'm so blessed to have kids.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 1, 2019

My son's superpower is to turn 1 cracker into 10 lbs of crumbs

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 9, 2013

I just watched my son get a knot out of his shoelace with the tine of a fork and then put it back in the silverware drawer and OMG! HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE DONE THIS?!

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) July 11, 2022

Hey if you could spare a prayer for my 2-year-old right now, his granola bar wrapper was pulled down slightly too low and it’s unclear if a recovery from this is possible.

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) December 9, 2021

My daughter turned 5 today. She is currently having a meltdown bc she “still looks 4”

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) February 7, 2021

my superpower is ruining my kids life by telling them to empty the dishwasher in between their schedule of doing nothing and nothing.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 16, 2022

Have kids, they said pic.twitter.com/g3ilWo9Jwb

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 24, 2021

Raising kids is like being constantly surrounded by a tiny sales team.

They’re always trying to persuade you into doing or buying something. And they assume everything you say is just an opening offer.

— Becky Vieira | Witty Otter (@wittyotter_) October 5, 2019

Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 28, 2022

overheard 13 bragging to his friend that he's an adult now and he can download and do whatever he wants on his phone and his parents can't do anything about it. So i went on my phone into our family app and locked him out of his cell phone. try me again bruh.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 29, 2023

I spent my time making a home cooked meal and placed it in front of the kids who immediately asked for something different and laughed. Then I laughed. Then we laughed. Then I spoke in a voice not of this world and everyone ate their damn dinner.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) January 4, 2022

My teenager thinks we live in a hotel now! pic.twitter.com/tsK48qt3VU

— Gerry Dee (@gerrydee) April 1, 2020

4 pm:
5 pm:
6 pm:
7 pm:
8 pm:
9 pm:
9:59 pm:

12 year old: I need some glitter, crayons and posterboard for school tomorrow

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) September 2, 2022

Before I had kids, I thought I had a great immune system, but it turns out I was just really good at staying away from the type of people who sneeze directly into your eyeballs while telling you a story.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 10, 2018

I accidentally flushed the toilet instead of letting my kid do it which in the toddler community is a crime punishable by death.

— John Cena (@SohnCena) October 3, 2019

5 asked me if I’ve ever been to jail and when I said no, she said “wow, not even for your cooking?”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 26, 2022

My husband bought harmonicas for our kids and now I need to find a new family

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 2, 2022

Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 19, 2019

I just sent my 23-year-old a text of outrage because I got a bill in the mail for highway tolls he didn’t pay and he texted back, “What is a toll?”

— Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) September 16, 2023

My daughter went back to college today and I texted her that I missed her so much and she texted back 2.5 hours later, “Yes.” Then, “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”

I WAS IN LABOR FOR 14 HOURS

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 11, 2021

I’m on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, “I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I can’t find it”

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 9, 2023

I swear to God, from now until Christmas, every time one of my kids leaves an empty box in the freezer, or pantry, I'm going to take it out, wrap it, and put it under the Christmas tree with their name on it.

— Jax Persists (@LadyJayPersists) September 27, 2022