20 Funny and Honest Tweets From Moms Who Keep It Real

Dolly Parton wrote “Jolene” and “I Will Always Love You” on the same day and I’ve been “getting ready to put away laundry” for the past five or six days.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 9, 2022

My daughter could bring up the time I took her to Disney but she usually brings up the time I made her a sandwich using the heel of the bread.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 3, 2022

*daughter writes note* your the worst mom ever

Me: it’s *you’re*

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 4, 2022

Kids: “Mom watch this. Watch this. Mom. Mama. Mama watch this. You’re not looking. Mom look. Look at me. You’re not looking.”

Me: merging onto the highway

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 18, 2023

The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 9, 2017

I told my kids the shoes on telephone wires are from kids who lied and got sucked up into space

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) August 20, 2020

My favorite thing about being a parent is being told I am wrong constantly by someone who depends on me for food, clothing and shelter

— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 27, 2021

And then God said, "yes Julie. You deserve $13 for opening the dryer on this Saturday morning. You do laundry for four people." pic.twitter.com/ykAWPTMcNM

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) August 12, 2017

I’m so glad I’ve paid for a season’s worth of watching other people’s kids play soccer while my daughter sips at her water like it’s shaken not stirred

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 29, 2022

If I complain about being out of shape I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 6, 2021

if you still think there’s such a thing as perfect parenting just know that I’m a pediatrician and parenting author and my toddler is eating strawberries dipped in ketchup for dinner tonight

— Rebekah Diamond MD (@rebekah_diamond) February 18, 2021

Before I had kids, I thought I had a great immune system, but it turns out I was just really good at staying away from the type of people who sneeze directly into your eyeballs while telling you a story.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 10, 2018

I haven't talked to my sons for a few days so I changed the Hulu, Netflix and Amazon passwords. I heard from all 3 of them within 20 minutes.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) September 2, 2018

I’m of the very strong opinion that Sex Ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy while her husband sits scrolling through his phone and her other two children run wild.

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) March 22, 2019

I like to send little notes in my kid’s lunchbox, like “Sorry the Wheat Thins are stale, that’s what happens when you leave the box open.”

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) October 8, 2018

I spent my time making a home cooked meal and placed it in front of the kids who immediately asked for something different and laughed. Then I laughed. Then we laughed. Then I spoke in a voice not of this world and everyone ate their damn dinner.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) January 4, 2022

You're going to miss this, I whisper to myself as I'm shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) January 26, 2018

I’m not a licensed interior designer but I just figured out you can make a room look 30% bigger if you put away the 14 loads of laundry on the floor wow

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) July 20, 2018

I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 23, 2022

After watching my toddler like a hawk nonstop I glance at my phone for 0.00012 seconds, and when I look up she is somehow smoking a cigarette and wielding a crossbow

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 3, 2022