20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Ok so we taught the 1 y/o to say “All done” when he’s finished eating. He is also using it to tell people when he is over hanging out with them, and that’s how I’m going to start using it, too.

— Adam 🎸 (@YSylon) March 12, 2024

When my daughter passed her driving test,she offered to pick me up when I was out having drinks with friends.
On the way home I asked her, “Could we stop at McDonald’s?”
She replied “Been waiting for years to say this……. No we have plenty of food at home!

— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) March 9, 2024

One day I’ll miss being woken up by my bouncing 5 year old at 6am on a Saturday, but today is not that day

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) March 9, 2024

My 5 year old son just asked me how I know his name… I'm not in the mood today

— B 🦋 (@isabellayonce) March 13, 2024

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 9, 2024

We have a million other entertainment options in this house, but the only thing my kids want to do is fight over whose turn it is to sit in the big box the new footstool came in. Children and cats are the same.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2024

I’m thinking science isn’t my daughter’s favorite subject after she asked me if I knew about the patriotic table.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 11, 2024

My 15 year old is going to a trampoline park with friends for a birthday party. But there are no such places anywhere near here so I asked him where he was going and how he was getting there. Apparently, “it’s chill, mom” so I feel better now.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) March 9, 2024

Our 11 year-old just made a handwritten breakfast menu, took our orders as a server named Katie, and is now on the kitchen yelling “BEHIND!” and firing imaginary coworkers for their insolence. 10/10 no notes.

— Brooke Preston (@bigu) March 16, 2024

And the Oscar for Best Actress in a Drama goes to my daughter who was just asked to put her laundry away.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 11, 2024

Just ran in to Best Buy for some cables, the kid at checkout asked for my phone number and zip code. I told him 867-5309 and 90210.

He didn’t question me once.
I felt old.

— Harris (@GrandpaHarris65) March 11, 2024

The year is 2482.
The human population has been decimated.
Machines have taken over Earth.
A new season of Grey's Anatomy starts.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 10, 2024

I gave my husband the entire update on Kate Middleton including all the conspiracy theories and he listened politely and when I was finished he said, who is Kate Middleton?

— Cheersmom (@cheersmom) March 15, 2024

Nobody:

My 2yo daughter: “I didn’t eat my sticker! You’re welcome!”

— CashewQueso (@cashew_queso) March 2, 2024

It’s pi day and my daughter asked if I’d take her to school early for math games so after school I’m taking her for a dna test.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 14, 2024

Texting your kid is like dating someone who isn't interested in you…

Me: I love you, have a great day!

Daughter: K

— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 14, 2024

Texts with my teen while she’s on Spring Break:

Me: Hope you have a great time, love you!
Daughter:

Me: How’s the beach?
Daughter:

Me: Hope your week is good. Send pics!
Daughter:

Me: See you in a couple days!
Daughter: Can you add money to my account?

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 16, 2024

just got destroyed by an 8 year old in monopoly who, at the end, said to me “everything you worked so hard for, i took away, and it made me feel good”

— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) March 10, 2024

My son just did a cartwheel in front of me and said "That was a celebratory cartwheel, which is normal human behavoir." Ok then

— 🪷Li𝕏es (@AbleLikes) March 14, 2024

Husband: she bit me
4yo: No I didn’t
Me: how did Daddy get this bite on his arm?
4yo: his coworker

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) March 16, 2024