20 Hilarious Tweets from a Mom Who Wins at Parenting Humor

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 6, 2020

My 7yo told me that Jeremy gives her all the answers at school. As the conversation went on I found out that Jeremy is her brain. She named her brain Jeremy.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 30, 2022

My son is arguing with my husband about a math problem. My husband is an engineer. My son is in 4th grade. The confidence is strong in this one.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 6, 2022

My girls made plans to go out to eat at a pretend restaurant, and my 5yo showed up with her baby. They started fighting. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Not you AND your baby!" My 5yo holding her baby, "I can't leave the baby home alone!" I'm getting popcorn.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 30, 2022

My 5-year-old asked me what's my real name like she was Batman trying to interrogate me. As she gave me aggressive eye contact, "I know it's not mom."

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 20, 2022

My 3yo was crying because her brother told her she smells like a potato. I didn't know how to handle this situation because she kinda does smell like a potato.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 13, 2020

I took my 5yo to get a smoothie, and she asked if she could order it herself. I gave her my card so she could pay for it too. After she made her order she looked at me like her work money just hit that direct deposit, "do you want anything?" Lmao

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 5, 2022

My 9yo son as I dropped him off at school, "time to make some money!" Apparently he's selling his Halloween candy to the kids who aren't allowed to have candy at home.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 3, 2022

When I was 4 my dad got pulled over and I screamed "I have to poop!!!" and the cop let my dad go. When he took me to the bathroom my dad couldn't stop laughing after I told him I didn't have to poop, just didn't want him to get a ticket. Sure hope my kids return the favor

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 14, 2019

If I ever go missing just tell my 5-year-old I'm relaxing. She'll find me. She always does.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 14, 2022

My 5yo told me she wants to be an astronaut. I told her that at her age I also wanted to be an astronaut. She looked at me, "and then you grew up and didn't even get a job." *silence*

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 3, 2022

My 5yo said she couldn't eat her bacon because syrup got on it. She was very upset, so I had to go into superhero mode. I took one for the team and bit off the piece of bacon that had syrup. My unconditional love for my child saved the day.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 28, 2023

Little kids are creepy. My 5-year-old likes to draw faces on eggs before she cracks them. As she cracks them she likes to say "goodbye my babies." This person lives in my house.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 30, 2022

My 5yo can't drive her pretend car because she can't find her driver's license that she made out of cardboard. She's stressing because she doesn't know how she's going to take her babies to the park. Her pretend play is too real. I'm stressing with her.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 12, 2022

We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. I can't stop laughing. I'm so proud.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022

Don't forget to put your cold feet on your husband in remembrance of all the times you stayed up breastfeeding and he slept with that stupid comfortable look on his face.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 1, 2019

My 5-year-old, "how bout we go to Target. You get yourself a drink or whatever you want and buy me a toy." She knows how to work the system.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 9, 2022

I hugged my husband when he got home from work and he seemed nervous. I knew something was off. The scent on his shirt smelled familiar then it hit me he cheated on me with my favorite restaurant. He smelled like shame and garlic bread.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 14, 2020

8yo: I feel like you're always making up rules and stuff

Me: like what?

8yo: like if we don't pick up our room a portal will open and take us to another dimension

Me: well that's what happened to your older brother

8yo: what older brother?

Me: exactly!

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 19, 2019

My 5-year-old was pretending to do her Wordle with me. As she pushed buttons on her cardboard phone, "yes! I got it!" I asked how she got it so quick. Her, "I have a pretend phone I can do whatever I want." That's fair.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 14, 2022