25 Hilarious Tweets About 5-year-olds

You know, I used to think 3 and 4-year-olds were the funniest people on earth, but after making this list, I think 5-year-olds may just take the cake!

Five is such a fun age because they are like little sponges, absorbing information about the world at an astounding rate.

They ask a million questions and think mom and dad have the answer to everything. Until they become teens and then think you know nothing LOL.

All of these quips made me laugh, hope you enjoy them as well.

Janene

#1

Took my girls to see Little Mermaid.

When King Trident realizes Ariel is gone and says, “What have I done?” my 5yo said, at top volume in a silent theatre, “You didn’t do anything, that girl just don’t listen!”

🤦🏻‍♀️🤣
— Stacy Mitchell (@stacybmitchell) May 28, 2023

#2

Little kids are creepy. My 5-year-old likes to draw faces on eggs before she cracks them. As she cracks them she likes to say "goodbye my babies." This person lives in my house.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 30, 2022

#3

5-year-old: Guess what? Today in school someone’s EYE broke open.

Me: What???

5-year-old: I’m done telling this story.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 16, 2023

#4

No one:

Absolutely no one:

My 5yo: I wanna know how people break out of jail.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) December 6, 2023

#5

My 5-year-old was pretending to do her Wordle with me. As she pushed buttons on her cardboard phone, "yes! I got it!" I asked how she got it so quick. Her, "I have a pretend phone I can do whatever I want." That's fair.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 14, 2022

#6

Woke up this morning to the 5yo standing by my bed and saying “I can’t help but notice that I’d like cookies for breakfast.”
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) December 18, 2022

#7

Thoughts and prayers for my five year old who just found onion in her onion rings
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 2, 2021

#8

My 5yo won an argument with me by saying “I’m just going to agree with myself”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 12, 2022

#9

Pulling out of the driveway for a two-hour car ride to visit family.

My 5yo from the backseat: “Don’t turn the radio on, Mama. I brought my harmonica so I can play you music.”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) July 23, 2023

#10

My 5yo just sat down after doing some yard work and said “what a day” so I think he’s a dad now
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 10, 2022

#11

My 5yo told me she wants to be an astronaut. I told her that at her age I also wanted to be an astronaut. She looked at me, "and then you grew up and didn't even get a job." *silence*
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 3, 2022

#12

My 5yo rarely gives me any details of what happens during his school day but when I asked what happened today he said his class went to China and I don’t believe I signed a permission slip for that
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) November 28, 2022

#13

5 told me to come to her hair salon, rearranged my hair then put the mirror in front of us and said “well I look beautiful but I haven’t been able to help you this time” then she looked me in the eye and said “you still have to pay though”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 6, 2022

#14

5yo: Does everyone in the world have kids?
Me: No, some people decide they don’t want to have them.
5: I don’t want kids.
Me: Why not?
5: They’re a lot of work.
Me: Then why don’t you be less difficult for me?
5: Well, you decided to have kids.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 18, 2018

#15

When my 5yo had her first soccer game she looked at the team on the other side and with a serious face asked, "Is that our enemy?" Yes, that's our enemy lol
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 9, 2022

#16

You think you’re going to have a pretty normal day and then your 5-year-old announces she only walks backwards now.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) April 20, 2019

#17

The seatbelt sensor dinged at my 5yo because he unbuckled while we were parked, and he yelled back MY MOM SAID I COULD OK
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 8, 2023

#18

my 5yo insisted her friend’s name was hopper so now HARPER’S parents think we have an accent
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) October 29, 2022

#19

My 5 year old great grandson just ran up to me brandishing a photograph of me from 1946. He looked at it, then peered over the photograph at me before exclaiming; 'What happened?!
— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) July 25, 2021

#20

I love picking up my 5-year-old from kindergarten because she's always like, "my day was crazy!" and starts telling me this story about her having to color the letter J.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 1, 2022

#21

The 5-year-old has been limping around with a leg injury all morning and I would feel bad for her except the injury is “a fox bit her in her dream”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 5, 2023

#22

Me: Hold your horses.

5-year-old: I don't have any horses.

Me: It means calm down.

5: I can't. My horses are gone.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2021

#23

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) August 26, 2018

#24

My 5-year-old asked me what's my real name like she was Batman trying to interrogate me. As she gave me aggressive eye contact, "I know it's not mom."
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 20, 2022

#25

My 5yo asked me to come to her “restaurant.” Thought we were playing pretend. I got the special & ate the best make believe sandwich. She told me it was 1 dollar. I went to hand her my invisible $$$ & baby girl said, “no go get me some real cash”

I wanna speak to the manager 😩
— Eunique Jones Gibson (@eunique) November 12, 2021

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