If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Have a great rest of the week, hope you have some sunshine where you are!
Janene
#1
My house is full of 13 year old boys & they are playing hide and seek. I was drinking a cup of tea on my sofa when – about 7 minutes after I sat down – one erupted from underneath the beanbag next to me & screamed “I WIN, MEATBAGS” & I want to book into a hotel until September
— Felicity Hannah (@FelicityHannah) July 24, 2024
#2
my daughter gave me $4 last night. this morning she gave me one more dollar & said “put this toward the rent.” alright now that’s enough.
— B 🦋 (@DontWorryBoutB) July 20, 2024
#3
Honestly I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) December 22, 2023
#4
5-year-old: …33, 34, 36, 37…
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2017
Me: You skipped 35.
5: I got rid of 35.
Update your math books accordingly.
#5
Me to pregnant friend: Instead of practicing on a doll, I recommend you try to bathe, diaper, and swaddle a cat.
— InsoMOMniac (@insoMOMniac) October 13, 2018
Friend: [exaggerated eye roll]
***6 months later***
Friend: Why didn’t anyone prepare me for reality?
Me: … [whispers] meow.
#6
my kid is obsessed with the construction happening on our block and wouldn’t go inside to get out of his pajamas because he was too enthralled, so one of the workers said “you need to go inside and get dressed so you can help us, it’s not safe to wear your pajamas to work”
— mindy🌷 (@mindyisser) July 22, 2024
#7
I accidentally flushed the toilet instead of letting my kid do it which in the toddler community is a crime punishable by death.
— John Cena (@SohnCena) October 3, 2019
#8
I am not a good hugger. Tonight a friend hugged me and I dropped some crackers I was holding and just gently said “my crackers” while waiting for the hug to end
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 27, 2019
#9
My young coworkers asked me to show them pictures of me in high school. I said I’d go home and dig some out. They said “can’t you just look on your phone?”
— Emotional Support GOAT🐐 (@SwissArmyWife00) June 7, 2022
And I laughed and laughed and laughed and then cried.
#10
Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Except for me.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) April 16, 2023
I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.
#11
In awe of how my wife will arrive in a new city and immediately seek out local ointments, textiles, a bolt of fine cloth etc. It's like travelling with a merchant from 16th century Antwerp
— John Phipps (@John__Phipps) November 9, 2024
#12
imagine a cereal so bad that two scoops of raisins made it better
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) October 26, 2021
#13
It finally happened: someone asked me where the library was in Spanish. I’ve been training for this since high school.
— Abigail Higgins (@abbyhiggins) February 8, 2023
#14
8yo: The internet is down. I’m going to go play at my friend’s house
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 24, 2018
Me: Ok, have fun!
8yo: *Leaves*
Me: *Turns router back on*
#15
4: mom was i in your tummy?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 23, 2021
me: yep!
4: who is in there now?
me: no one
4: then why is it so big?
husband: oh no
#16
sometimes my low pony looks cute but sometimes i look like a young man in colonial america eager to start his woodworking apprenticeship
— crick (@cricketcg) September 23, 2018
#17
I don’t know who needs to hear this but if the house is 73 and you want it to be 68 turning the thermostat down to 60 doesn’t get you to 68 any quicker
— Jonathan Rittgers (@jonrittgers) August 20, 2020
and by idk who I mean my wife
but I can’t tell her because she is pregnant and scares me
#18
My son asked me
— Zack Riley 🇦🇺 (@ColdHeart_Prj) January 2, 2020
"Where does poo come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
#19
THEM: please don’t take this personally
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) July 28, 2023
ME: best I can do is immediately take it extra personally
#20
kids today are like “so what did y’all do before the internet? did you just not know anything?” and the answer is yes. you would ask your aunt Marge a question, she’d give you the wrong answer and you’d carry that misinformation for twenty years.
— Boze the Library Owl 😴🧙♀️ (@SketchesbyBoze) July 26, 2022
