20 of the Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

Men will never understand how joyful it makes us feel to unsnap that bra, whip it through our shirt sleeve and fling it across the room

— Jerseygirl #FBR 🟧 (@gggirl924) September 1, 2023

I am woman. Hear me drag this piece of furniture to the other wall where it will look better.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 28, 2023

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 27, 2023

A reminder to buy your Halloween candy early so you can accidentally eat it all, buy more, and repeat the whole process a couple more times before Halloween

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 27, 2023

All I have to do is go out and buy everything I'll need to become a minimalist.

— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) August 28, 2023

I’m only able to open up to a person after many years of close friendship or 3 seconds of awkward silence in a conversation.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 27, 2023

The struggle between wanting to fit in your jeans and wanting to order one of everything from Taco Bell.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) August 29, 2023

coffee isn’t enough. i need to be struck by lightning

— trash jones (@jzux) August 31, 2023

Have never identified more with anyone than I just did with the woman who walked into the grocery store in front of me, shook her head, said “I can’t be making these kinds of decisions today” and walked right back out

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 31, 2023

None of my high school students knew who you would be calling by dialing 867-5309. Happy Friday.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) September 1, 2023

My vet just texted me and asked for me to bring a sample of my cats “first pee of the morning” to her appointment tomorrow and I just have…so many questions. First of all: how. Second…what is morning to a cat??? Cats just..sleep whenever???

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 2, 2023

My husband said something about me reminds him of Jennifer Lawrence

I don’t know what he wants from me but whatever it is he’s going to get it

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) September 2, 2023

One time we sold our house and when we were moving my husband commented how the blinds never collected dust. “Let’s try to buy those same blinds!”

Me, the invisible duster: ok

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) August 29, 2023

You think you know stress? When I grew up, if you miss the TV show, you just missed it forever.

— Jerseygirl #FBR 🟧 (@gggirl924) September 1, 2023

IKEA is the most expensive escape room

— Midge (@mxmclain) September 2, 2023

I'd love to see you next time either of us has any money, time, energy, or interest in leaving our homes

— Jez (@Jez1) September 2, 2023

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) September 2, 2023

I was such a good parent before I had kids.

— Twinstant Family | Lisa (@twinstantfamily) August 30, 2023

I don’t understand people who can fall asleep immediately, when do you do all of your panicking and overthinking?

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 3, 2023

My husband told me to lock my bedroom door so I could have a little break. 5 was very concerned that I might not know who was knocking and saying Mama every few minutes, so he slid this under the door. “It’s me, Mom. Your son.” pic.twitter.com/XJGp6PxXia

— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) September 2, 2023