Top 20 Best Tweets on Marriage and Parenting From “My Life As Dad”

My kid said dad 27 times in a row. If only moms knew this struggle.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 4, 2023

I was on the phone with my parents and I brought up how I’m parenting differently than they did, so they became defensive saying “Well, look how well you turned out” and I heard my wife laughing all the way from Target.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 23, 2023

Accidentally used my wife's shampoo and now I find missing stuff around the house without needing her help.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 27, 2022

There’s always that person who eats the pickles on their burger and the other throws them away. And they marry each other.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 4, 2022

My 6yo is upset with my wife and I and promised to never talk to us ever again because we were both ignoring her as she was talking to us. At 6AM. While we were both still sleeping.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 1, 2024

My wife just started a sentence with “I’m going to make sure my next husband…”

In case you’re wondering how I’m doing at life.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 24, 2024

6yo: Do adults cry?

Me: They do.

6yo: You probably cry when you go to work.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 9, 2024

I have to admit, at times my wife scares me. Not because of anything she did, but because of her Netflix history of crime shows.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 8, 2022

“Sit still you animals !” My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned “My World”.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 12, 2022

My wife banned iPads from my kids so my sweet angels stood in the hallway where they thought I couldn’t hear and whispered “Let’s ask dad because he always let us and then we can blame him when mommy asks”.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 13, 2023

I spent a solid 10 minutes lecturing my kid about not writing on the couch with a pen and she said “It’s a marker not a pen.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 6, 2023

One of the best highs a husband can experience is when he realizes the reason his wife is mad, is not because of him.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 20, 2023

My wife inexplicably waited to the last minute to tell me that my kids have dance class today.

So annoying when she does this every week.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) November 16, 2022

Boys and girls are so different. My girl was reciting the alphabet in full at 18 months, but as for my 2yo son, I’ve had to yell at him 3 times in less than 5 minutes to not deliberately run head first into the load bearing basement post.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 11, 2023

*I’m eating an apple and my wife is staring at me and smiling*

Me: What’s up?

My wife: It bothers me the way you eat the apple.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 28, 2023

Took my kid to “Bring Your Child To Work Day” a few weeks ago and now, any time I ask her how she’s doing, she says “Living the dream”.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 22, 2024

My kids were going through a list of chores that my wife and I do and arguing over who’s the winner, so I asked what they decided and my 8YO said “Well, we win because you do everything for us”.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 6, 2023

Marriage AND Parenting tip: If your wife says it’s ok for you to go out on a guys night while she stays with the kids, bring back something juicy for her to enjoy and feast on, like gossip.

You’re welcome

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 13, 2022

My 6yo was upset this morning but refused to talk about it. As she was being dropped off at school, she decided to speak up by saying and I quote, “I go to school too much, and it bothers me.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 15, 2024

My kids saw mail I received that was addressed to me as “Mr.” and then my 9yo asked “Why do you have a mister in front of your name? I didn’t know you were an important person.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 15, 2024