Top 20 Funniest Tweets From One of the Most Relatable Dads Around

Not sure why “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it” is supposed to be a bad thing. It sounds pleasant. I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 29, 2018

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology but now anytime I see something new I’m like “I’m not learning that.”

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 18, 2020

I don’t like the person I become whenever I have to enter my username and password using a TV remote.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 7, 2019

My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 12, 2016

Went into Target for a couple items and my wife said “let’s not get a cart” and then we laughed and laughed and grabbed two just in case.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 6, 2019

The way you say “representative” to an automated system is the real you.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 25, 2022

ME: [reviewing any picture just taken of myself] eww gross

ME: [reviewing that same picture years later] wow look how good i used to look

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 7, 2020

Never anticipated how much of adulthood would just be unsubscribing from emails and breaking down Amazon boxes.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 10, 2022

STUNTMAN ON TV: don't try this at home

ME [sitting on couch eating out of a 5 lb. bag of m&ms]: ok

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 31, 2017

Having a garage sale is a great example of how with many hours of planning and preparation anybody can make $35.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 3, 2018

One day I hope to be wealthy enough to not do a double take every time I see abandoned furniture on the side of the road.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 31, 2017

Pleased to announce my wife and I finally completed a six hour negotiation to pick out the movie she’s going to look at her phone to while I fall asleep on the couch.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 10, 2019

One of my bucket list items is to make it through a self-checkout without needing an employee to type in some override.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 25, 2023

DATING: can’t wait to see you again

MARRIAGE: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 21, 2020

*spends 25 minutes creating a Pizza Hut account online to avoid a 3 minute phone call*

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 21, 2015

I was getting mad in traffic earlier and my 3-year-old said “all you can do is calm down and let the cars go” and now I have a therapist.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 9, 2019

Reached the age where I can’t tell if I sustained an injury or that’s just how I am now.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 28, 2018

90% of my text messages are one-time codes because i forgot a password

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 25, 2021

My 7yo just described the taste of lettuce as “evil paper” and now I’ve found the only food critic I’ll need the rest of my life.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 27, 2022