Top 20 Funniest Tweets On Marriage and Parenting From “McDad”

Me: You wanna watch the baseball game with me?

Teen daughter: No. I don’t like baseball.

Me: I didn’t like Little Mermaid, but I watched it 1,387 times. Now, go get your hat and jersey on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 25, 2022

Wife’s outta town and you know what that means…

It means I don’t know where anything is or what’s going on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 3, 2022

People are filming movies on their iPhones and I’m just over here trying to not accidentally turn on the flashlight every time I pick it up

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 12, 2022

Just when I’ve finally gotten everything cleaned and put in the dishwasher, my kid comes marching in with her museum collection of dishes and cups

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 1, 2022

I mowed the grass before a huge storm, and now my wife gets to hear me say “Good thing I mowed when I did!” all weekend

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 24, 2023

Accidentally wore a Hawaiian shirt into Trader Joe’s. Now my shift ends at 10.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) September 17, 2022

Adulthood is just saying “It’s SO hot” or “It’s SO cold” every day for the rest of your life

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 15, 2022

I’m not saying I’m nailing this parent thing, but my teen daughter did say good morning to me today.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 30, 2022

try moving furniture together before you decide to get married

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 16, 2022

A dad’s sneeze gains 10 decibels every year. It’s science

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 29, 2022

Every Sunday night, I once again lie in bed thinking of the 3 things I needed to do over the weekend that would’ve taken like 10 minutes and I still didn’t do them.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 13, 2022

If you’re thinking about becoming a parent, just know my kid was playing a kazoo at 6:30am

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) December 2, 2022

“Oh, I don’t drive when it’s dark” gets you out of a lot more stuff this time of year

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 10, 2022

I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 28, 2022

I started video recording my gym workouts. Not for likes on social media, but for the paramedics to know exactly what happened

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) December 27, 2023

No matter how cool you think you are as a parent, a teen is there to take you back down a few notches

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 19, 2022

One of the toughest parts about parenting a teen is having to stay awake till 11pm to pick them up from an event

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 15, 2023

My daughter wanted to know what I was protesting when I used to burn cds and someone just go ahead and take me to the nursing home

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 25, 2023

No one’s ever more confident than my teen daughter telling me how to do something she’s never done

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 6, 2023

I’ve been at the grocery store for 24 hrs now trying to avoid texting my wife to ask where something is

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 31, 2023