Top 20 Funniest Tweets On Marriage and Parenting From “McDad”

My daughter is interviewing with an ice cream shop. I told her that when they ask if she has any questions, she should say “Yeah, can you give me the SCOOP on what it’s like to work here?”

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 19, 2024

Wife’s outta town and you know what that means…

It means I don’t know where anything is or what’s going on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 3, 2022

People are filming movies on their iPhones and I’m just over here trying to not accidentally turn on the flashlight every time I pick it up

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 12, 2022

Just when I’ve finally gotten everything cleaned and put in the dishwasher, my kid comes marching in with her museum collection of dishes and cups

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 1, 2022

I mowed the grass before a huge storm, and now my wife gets to hear me say “Good thing I mowed when I did!” all weekend

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 24, 2023

If I had a dollar for every recipe saved to my phone that I’ll never look at again

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 22, 2024

My wife said we need to “evaluate the garage” so there goes my weekend

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 24, 2024

I sent my teen a meme and she actually responded with a 😂.
I’m gonna ride this high all week

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 21, 2024

When you finally figure out what movie you want to watch and it’s not available on any of your 37 streaming services

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 21, 2024

A dad’s sneeze gains 10 decibels every year. It’s science

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 29, 2022

Every Sunday night, I once again lie in bed thinking of the 3 things I needed to do over the weekend that would’ve taken like 10 minutes and I still didn’t do them.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 13, 2022

If you’re thinking about becoming a parent, just know my kid was playing a kazoo at 6:30am

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) December 2, 2022

Hacker: Give us your password or else

30 minutes later…

Me: OK, now try 1987 and three exclamation points

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 18, 2024

I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 28, 2022

I started video recording my gym workouts. Not for likes on social media, but for the paramedics to know exactly what happened

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) December 27, 2023

We’re going out to eat downtown tonight. I’ve been researching parking garages in the area for a month

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 25, 2024

One of the toughest parts about parenting a teen is having to stay awake till 11pm to pick them up from an event

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 15, 2023

My daughter wanted to know what I was protesting when I used to burn cds and someone just go ahead and take me to the nursing home

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 25, 2023

When a teen says “I know”… They don’t.
They don’t know.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 10, 2022

Me: You wanna watch the baseball game with me?

Teen daughter: No. I don’t like baseball.

Me: I didn’t like Little Mermaid, but I watched it 1,387 times. Now, go get your hat and jersey on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 25, 2022