20 of the Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

People who camp are like, “But camping is so much fun!” and then tell you a story about how they had to fight a raccoon at 2 AM.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 6, 2023

one time my grandma hosted a nun named Sister Peggy who taught English in Bolivia, and we were all like "this is good for Grandma, she can learn from this holy woman." and then when we phoned to ask how things were going, my grandma said "Sister and I are watching Shrek 2"

— Kaitlin Ruiz (@Kaitlin_M_Ruiz) September 7, 2023

‘Good things come to those who wait’ I whisper to myself as I count the minutes until the kids are in bed and I can break out the Doritos

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 6, 2023

having a dog rules so hard. just a little guy that follows you around and thinks youre the best.

— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) September 6, 2023

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 5, 2023

I understand bugs are very important for the ecosystem but why do they have to fly. And why do they have to fly at me

— Kat Tenbarge (@kattenbarge) September 7, 2023

Younger me would dream about romance and wild adventures, last night I had a dream about eating a whole loaf of banana bread.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 6, 2023

I don't wear white after Labor Day or any day because I live in fear of spaghetti stains.

— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) September 6, 2023

Me: sprays on new perfume

First grader (as we walk into classroom): You smell like chicken nuggets.

— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) September 5, 2023

I’m almost 47 and I just got my first tattoo.
Someone please comfort my grieving mother.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) September 5, 2023

Packing for a trip is annoying because I need to unpack from the previous trip, that I took 6 months ago, first

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 3, 2023

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 6, 2023

Being a woman is finding a cute blouse or apron on Pinterest only to find out it’s not available for purchase because it’s an archive of the Metropolitan Museum of Art pic.twitter.com/likq2V3MY9

— mishbo (@mishbo) September 7, 2023

my vet: "alright let's see how much your dog weighs today!"

me: "wait i can explain"

— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) September 5, 2023

I know you all think *I’m* the chaotic one in my family, but a baboon troop just broke into my sister’s house and stole two jars of peanut butter and her husband chased them off with a baseball bat, an event she relayed by dropping a video with no explanation in the group chat

— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) September 7, 2023

What if someone discovered today

that the saying isn’t

“up and Adam”

but rather

“up and at ‘em”

And what if that someone

is me

— Tiffany Hardy (@TiffMHardy) September 8, 2023

Outraged that the “no makeup look” involves makeup

— Midge (@mxmclain) September 5, 2023

long shot but if a boy just asked you to pick him up from jfk airport today (jetblue flight from raleigh) HE CHEATED ON YOU THIS WEEKEND HE IS BRAGGING ABOUT IT IN THE SEAT BEHIND ME ON THIS PLANE

— becca 🌙 (@BornToBeBecca) September 4, 2023

I had a water birth in the hospital when I had my daughter and I had to take a class beforehand where they referred to all other birth as “land birth.”

— emily (@emilykmay) September 5, 2023

🚨I AM AT THE AIRPORT AND THERE IS A GIANT RABBIT IN A STROLLER I REPEAT A GIANT RABBIT IN A STROLLER🚨 pic.twitter.com/ftmegUPVGI

— Jemma Wilson (@JemWilson84) September 6, 2023