20 Funny and Spot-On Tweets About Motherhood

The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 24, 2016

If you look closely at the circles around a mother's eyes, you can count how many years she's lived without sleep.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) August 30, 2017

You could be 50 years old, live miles away, travel for work all the time, and happen to mention a business trip and moms will be like “you let me know the second you land”

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 2, 2022

Moms just want one thing and it’s for you to take your underwear out of your pants before we wash them

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 28, 2021

I’m just a mom, standing in front of her child, trying to convince them to go to the activity they convinced me to sign them up for.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 8, 2022

I've reached that point as a Mom where I'll eat a piece of pie with my bare hands over the trash if it means not getting another dish dirty.

— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 28, 2016

Ever notice in the story of the 3 bears, Papa Bear's porridge is piping hot, baby's is perfect, & poor Mama Bear's is cold?

I get it now.

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) July 27, 2015

My daughter just asked me if my boobs were ever round. In case you’re wondering about some of the ways motherhood crushes your soul.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) January 23, 2020

My friend said she couldn’t wait to have kids so I went over, ate all her snacks & complained because they were in the wrong color bowl. I stayed way too late, did lame cartwheels, unrolled an entire toilet paper roll, hyped her dog up, & left with her TV remote in my purse.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 5, 2019

moms are like, “I’m going to go rest for a little bit” and then pay bills, make doctor’s appointments and put away the laundry

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 2, 2022

I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 24, 2018

I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 26, 2017

How could a pregnant woman talking on her phone while herding 3 additional children through a store notice I dropped my debit card and grab it for me?
Because Mothers are unnatural super human freaks who push the limits of excellence in the everyday routine of life.

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) October 3, 2018

Whenever there's a baby delivered in a TV show, moms are required to say, "That's not a newborn."

— A Dad Influence #🟦 (@gbergan) October 3, 2022

I missed two of my mom's calls, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 31, 2019

I’m just a mom, standing in my kid’s room, asking why there are fruit snacks on the ceiling

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 26, 2022

Being a mom is staying up too late watching your show because it’s the only free time you get for yourself then regretting it in the morning

— mamamoo🤎✨ (@thelovelyMC) February 10, 2022

8:23am: *calls mom, no answer*

8:57am: *calls mom, no answer*

9:12am: *calls mom, no answer*

9:26am: *calls mom, no answer*

9:27am: *takes a shower*

9:33am: *27 missed calls from mom*

9:34am: *calls mom, no answer*

— wine mom (@mommysippycups) November 29, 2019

my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow

me: yes

my mom today: do u work today

me: yes i already told u

my mom when i'm at work: where are u

— Semra (@SemraDurmisevic) July 15, 2017

25 years ago, a girl in my class called me a bit*h and made me cry. I just told my mom I made plans to have lunch with this person and she says, “Oh, you’re hanging out with HER? I never liked her. DON’T tell her I say hi.”

No one holds a grudge better than a mom.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 23, 2020