20 Funny Tweets Every Potato Fan Will Relate To

For dinner I want a baked potato with a side of mashed potatoes and some potato salad and fries

— Kate lol oh no (@Kateness8) November 11, 2022

In my many years on this planet I’ve learned one very important lesson that I’m going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You cannot eat her fries.

— Doc  (@DocAtCDI) February 22, 2022

6-year-old: Can I have French fries for breakfast?

Me: No.

6: But it's Friday.

Me: *reconsiders everything I know about the world*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2019

trying the new “baked potato diet.” It’s just eating as many baked potatoes as I want and feeling happy

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 26, 2022

Potatoes make french fries, chips, and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying.

— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) July 27, 2018

Sometimes, when a man loves a woman very much, he'll bring her her own fries, even though she said she didn't want any.

— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 14, 2021

Are Cape Cod potato chips the best potato chips or am I just from Massachusetts?

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 27, 2020

No one in my family takes me seriously when I ask them how many potato courses there will be at Thanksgiving.

— Marissa 💚🦃💛 (@michimama75) November 20, 2022

My potassium is super low and apparently causing heart problems, so I have been prescribed a potato diet, and let me say, this is the best diet.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) June 11, 2024

you can tell potato chips are healthy and natural when the bag is matte instead of glossy

— lexaprofessional (@queasy_f_bby) December 21, 2020

Nutritionist: Do you eat salad?

Me: Yes, I love potato salad.

Nutritionist: no

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 9, 2021

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 15, 2017

My 3yo was crying because her brother told her she smells like a potato. I didn't know how to handle this situation because she kinda does smell like a potato.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 13, 2020

The biggest lie I learned in school was that women reach their sexual peak at 40. All 40yo me wants is to scroll my phone and eat my bowl of mashed potatoes

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 6, 2023

Wife: *puts on perfume*

4-year-old: Why do you want to smell like flowers?

Wife: What should I smell like?

4: French fries.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2017

there are certain foods I have enough self control not to buy bc i will eat them like a monster. but if u invite me over & you’ve got french onion dip and potato chips just know u will no longer have either item by the time I leave

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 26, 2018

Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?
Her: I want a Potato Book party
Me: What's that?
Her: Just something I came up with. We serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and we read.

Genius!

— Natali Simmonds (@NJSimmondsbooks) January 16, 2023

My husband threw away my leftover tater tots and I just don’t know how we move on from this.

— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2019

6-year-old: Mashed potatoes make me sad.

Me: Why?

6: They should have been French fries.

Now I'm sad, too.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2018

The Girl Child went to a potato-themed birthday party for a nine-year-old today and these were the gift bags. I'm dying. pic.twitter.com/OL4woeNjUv

— Lora Senf (@Lora013) June 3, 2023