25 of the Funniest Tweets About Pizza

I recently saw an article on The Food Network that said the average American eats more than 6000 slices of pizza in their lifetime.

My family is Italian on both sides AND my brother owns three pizzerias, so I probably need to multiply that number by at least ten LOL.

In honor of National Pizza Day, I’ve rounded up the funniest tweets I could find about the one food I never tire of…enjoy!

Janene

#1

This elevator smells like pizza at 9:30am and it makes me wonder if someone else is living a better life than me.
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) January 17, 2018

#2

I live opposite a park and I’ve just had two teenagers knock on my door and ask if they can order pizza to my address as they can’t to the park. So lovely and polite, a credit to their parents and of course, I said it was no problem. Shame that I’ll eat their pizza though…
— ⓟⓞⓟⓢ (@Pops__o) June 22, 2024

#3

You could advertise that your pizza is cooked in any kind of oven, and I’d be impressed. Brick oven? Sure! Coal oven? Hell yeah! Corduroy oven? Gimme that pizza!
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 7, 2021

#4

I ordered a large pizza and before answering the door, I yelled, “Pizza is here,” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating a large all by myself.
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) October 29, 2022

#5

A toddler at the park said he’s having an extra large pizza delivered to the monkey bars and he’s so confident I’m staying to see if it happens.
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) June 1, 2022

#6

I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said “mommy only ate half a piece of pizza” and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 19, 2022

#7

Them: You need to listen to your body more.

Body: You're old. And you want pizza.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 12, 2019

#8

I always thought that people hated pineapple on pizza because it's spicy until I learned that pineapple is not spicy to most people and I am in fact allergic to pineapple.
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) February 2, 2024

#9

I said I wasn’t feeling well and my preschoolers advice was “you’ll feel better if you just eat some some pizza”

Long story short he’s my doctor now.
— John Cena (@SohnCena) December 14, 2020

#10

Wife: Do you mind if we have pizza two nights in a row?

Me: Will you marry me again?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2018

#11

[First day as pizza delivery driver]

Me: Sorry I ate your pizza.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) April 16, 2020

#12

If anyone is wondering why the pizza box reads, "Remove cardboard before baking," feel free to ask my 17yo son.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 29, 2019

#13

Others: I run so I can eat pizza

Me: I just…eat pizza
— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) January 7, 2025

#14

Before you join a meal kit delivery service read this:

Pizza comes to your house already cooked.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 30, 2018

#15

Me: This pizza is really good!

Somebody Who Visited Italy With Their Family For A Week When They Were 14: *sighs* It’s fine…
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 4, 2020

#16

9-year-old: If I had a pizza restaurant, I would eat pizza every day.

Me: Eventually, you would get sick of it.

9: That's not how pizza works.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2021

#17

After successfully growing tomatoes this year, I asked my son what we should grow next year. He said he wants to grow pizza.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 30, 2022

#18

Every single parent in the history of kid’s birthday parties who was offered a slice of pizza and declined really wanted that pizza.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2021

#19

My husband just messaged to ask if I want him to bring home a pizza and I think this is what the youths call sexting
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 24, 2022

#20

My dad was so ashamed ordering my gluten free pineapple pepperoni pizza he said to the phone operator “it’s for my daughter she’s in from California”
— Haley OC (@MILFWEEED) December 19, 2021

#21

My husband came home with pizza sauce on his collar and no pizza and now I know what it’s like to be cheated on.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 28, 2019

#22

I had salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes.

Really, just one big round crouton. Covered with tomato sauce. And cheese…

Fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza.
— 𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗 𝕾𝕴𝕽3 (@therealSIR3) May 24, 2025

#23

“Is it too early to order a pizza?” – Translation: We are about to order a pizza.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 17, 2020

#24

8-year-old: All people like pizza.

Me: Some people don't.

8: Then they're not people.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2020

#25

Walked into my living room and found my 4 yr old watching tv and eating pizza

Me: bud, why are you eating pizza?

4: I was hungry

Me: well, yeah. I mean it’s 7am, why didn’t you grab a yogurt or something?

4: because there was pizza
— Melissa (@awkwardenabled) August 11, 2020

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For more laughs, check out: Real Life, Real Laughs: 25 of the Most Relatable Tweets Ever

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