25 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!

Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.

Wishing you all a great weekend!

Janene

#1

Last night at dusk we were playing outside and my 4yo was pretending to direct traffic as cars went by. A woman rolled down her window and very kindly said “thanks for your help!” and my 4yo, completely seriously goes “you’re welcome. You need to turn on your headlights.”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 13, 2024

#2

My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
I asked her, "How small?"
She replied,
"Just you, me, and the principal.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) September 10, 2024

#3

Been waving to the nice looking stroller mommy walking the neighborhood every morning, feeling like I should introduce myself. Today I almost did, but as I got close I realized there is a dog in that stroller
— anise (@AniseNot) September 10, 2024

#4

My sister’s name is Diamond.

When my son sings “twinkle, twinkle little star”, and he gets to the part that says “like a diamond in the sky”, he says “like an aunty in the sky”.
— 🇯🇲 Scam Likely (@PjFray) September 7, 2024

#5

Reasons my 3 y/o cried this weekend:

-He finished eating his apple
-I covered him with a blanket (the wrong way)
-His brother was sitting on the couch
-My wife needed to shower
-I handed him string cheese instead of muenster cheese
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) September 9, 2024

#6

*Hour 3 in the trampoline park*

My oldest has said “watch this” 212 times

My youngest is running wild in a pack of feral six-year-olds

A woman screams in the distance “Jaden, Jaxon”

There is still no bar
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 8, 2024

#7

I just want the confidence of my teen who replied “Who’s this?” to a guy who texted her after ghosting her for a month.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 7, 2024

#8

Bye, have a great day. I’ll see you after school, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 9, 2024

#9

My 1st grader is home sick today and this morning I caught him trying to cough directly onto his older brother.

I asked why he did that and he said it’s because he loves him and thinks he deserves a day off of school too.
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) September 9, 2024

#10

My 6yo keeps forgetting it's called drama club and has just been calling it "the drama" which is honestly way better
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 11, 2024

#11

me: did you have fun on your playdate?

my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 9, 2024

#12

My daughter spent an hour watching kitchen restock videos and now she’s scrubbing and reorganizing our refrigerator so sometimes screen time isn’t the worst thing
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 8, 2024

#13

I get a dozen robocalls and scam texts a day because a meat thermometer I bought 4 years ago made me register to their website for it to work and they had a data breach. What a wonderful time to be alive.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 10, 2024

#14

Telling my son he can’t stay home from school for no reason even though when I was his age I’d blow dry my forehead and tell my mom I had a fever.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 11, 2024

#15

My daughter told me, very sincerely, that if she ever wins the lottery she’ll give me $100 so I can be rich too
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 10, 2024

#16

My 15 yo packed 0 underwear for this 8 day vacation.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 12, 2024

#17

My 6yo asked if a group of high school boys were older than me, so I’ll be riding that high until my next gray hair pops up.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) September 12, 2024

#18

I left my wallet in the car and asked my 9yo if I could borrow $3. He gone say “look at me carrying this family on my back”.

Boy…💀💀💀💀
— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) September 10, 2024

#19

My younger kid has a pretty severe speech delay, and he hadn’t said his first word yet. One night he set up in his crib while his sister was having a tantrum in the hallway and screamed “GO TO SLEEP” and then laid back down. Didn’t speak another word for about eight months.
— Pissed Off Mom (@thequeengeek) September 9, 2024

#20

Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's the school nurse saying, "I have your child here in my office."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 12, 2024

#21

The next person to ring the doorbell on a Saturday trying to sell something will be subjected to my 6yo’s full lecture on lizards, and let me warn you, it’s long
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 7, 2024

#22

We’re never going to be able to afford a billionaire space walk if my kids don’t start turning out the lights when they leave a room.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 12, 2024

#23

My neighbor’s kid said hi but I couldn’t think of his name and said “Hi son of John” like some biblical dude
— Fillmore Wilbury 🎶 (@RussRoth4) September 8, 2024

#24

My daughter asked me this morning what games I used to play on my tablet with when I was little.

I told her my favourite thing to do was speaking into the fan to make me sound like a robot.
— E m m a. 📖 (@Emma_Writer_) September 13, 2024

#25

yall my son took his first school pictures 😀🥲 pic.twitter.com/VsitsuM476
— the wife (@luckylibra999) September 11, 2024

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For more laughs, check out: “Parents Reveal the Hilariously Bizarre Reasons Kids Lost Their Cool”

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