Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Nothing makes me get up faster than my 6yo walking by me with a bottle of Elmer's glue.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 3, 2024
#2
3yo: Mommy, what song is this?
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 7, 2024
Me: It's "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.
3yo: I do not WIKE fires. Those people should not START fires except in a FIREPLACE or I will call the FIRE APARTMENT.
#3
Yesterday, I dressed in a nice summery dress and my daughter looked at me and said, "You look like you learned to drive in a covered wagon." And I still haven't recovered.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) May 7, 2024
#4
I asked my 4 y/o if he wanted to talk about anything else before bedtime and boy that was a big mistake.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) May 7, 2024
#5
I buy 1 bunch of bananas, my family eats it up in a day.
— Serena (@mrscruzumaki) May 7, 2024
I buy 2 bunches of bananas, they are untouched on the counter for a week.
Someone please explain banana psychology to me 😂
#6
9:30 in the morning, the woman behind me in line says to her toddler “No, I don’t think they have ice cream right now, nobody eats ice cream this early in the morning,” just as I turn around holding a giant cup of vanilla soft serve.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 9, 2024
#7
My 5yo, to me: I WILL PROBABLY INVITE YOU TO ME WEDDING.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 4, 2024
#8
Me: Why don't you ride your bike to practice and save me the trip?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2024
13-year-old: I can't. It's too far.
Me: You ride twice that far when you go to your friend's house.
13: I can only go that far if it's for fun.
#9
9yo: Who took my hair tie?
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 6, 2024
Me: I didn’t.
9yo: I did not ask who didn’t.
#10
I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store, getting gas, and signing my kids up for summer camp.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 4, 2024
#11
You know when you can't find your glasses because they're on your face?
— Mckayla (@mckaylasbooks) May 9, 2024
I just panicked a little because I couldn't find my baby. pic.twitter.com/gbpN16hMhk
#12
Can anyone explain to me why every camp form asks for the contact information of my child's doctor? Call 911 if it's an emergency or else call me. What are you going to do—make an appointment for my child for next month?
— Laura Powell (@LauraPowellEsq) May 6, 2024
#13
Just met a toddler named “Walter” and my 10 y/o muttered under his breath… “Walter? That’s a dog’s name.”
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 6, 2024
Kids, man.
#14
No one:
— Mad Hatter Mommy!!! (@MadHatterMommy) May 6, 2024
My kid: Mumma, you don’t have to worry about what happened in the kitchen.
#15
It’s the last month of school, here are 97 activities in the middle of the day parents need to attend.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 7, 2024
-elementary schools
#16
My 7yo had a wellness check. The pediatrician asked if she can tie her shoes. My 7yo, "no." She looked at me, "but it's their fault because they only get me velcro shoes." She's the youngest of 4. I don't have time for shoe stuff. Get in the car so we're not late to practice.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 7, 2024
#17
9yo has made herself a cheese sandwich.
— Ellie Hawkes (@elspells13) May 3, 2024
Me: "Why's it got cheese sprinkled on top?"
9yo: "It wouldn't all fit inside."#mumlife pic.twitter.com/M1kGyD1hcJ
#18
Me in 2022: when will my child talk
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 9, 2024
My child in 2024: WELL MOMMY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I AM FINKING NOW? I AM FINKING ABOUT MR. WOGERS WENT TO THE ZOO AND SAW A PANDA. IT IS DARK. MOMMY WE SHOULD GET A WANTERN FOR OUR PORCH. AND A VERY SHORT STORY IS ONCE UPON A TIME THE END
#19
Took my son on an amazing road trip and we saw a ton of incredible things but the thing that captured his imagination the most was the automatic pancake maker in the hotel this morning pic.twitter.com/buDZDCLFFA
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) May 5, 2024
#20
when the camera panned over, I folded in laughter pic.twitter.com/vpqZdC81o1
— Sassington, M.C. (@MissSassbox) May 3, 2024
And this cute little video I just saw…
The best thing you’ll see all day… 👇🏼👇🏼
— Trey Hannam (@TJHannam10) May 10, 2024
Enjoy 🤣🦖 pic.twitter.com/HjWSfVFFCd
