20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 22, 2024

Saw a momfluencer post where she talked about how she had a “living room family,” not a “bedroom family” because everyone felt happy and safe together in the living room and didn’t feel the need to isolate themselves in their bedrooms. Her kids were 2-years-old and baby.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 19, 2024

I’m just a mom, standing in front of the junk drawer, wondering once again where all the scissors have gone

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 20, 2024

My 5yo: I AM GOING TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT A DRAGON AND LETTUCE.
Me *after ten minutes of story*: Let’s wrap it up, Babe.
5yo: AND THEN EVERYONE DIED.
Me: That’ll work.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 20, 2024

Today I found out that my daughter’s entire preschool class heard the Ghostbusters theme for the first time together while celebrating a classmate’s birthday near Halloween and have since been convinced that “Go Buster” is something you tell someone on their birthday

— Ben Mekler (@benmekler) February 18, 2024

9yo (frustrated and crying): I just want to read my book, but I keep having to talk to people and do chores!

— Annie Morgan (@annie_m_morgan) February 18, 2024

AT&T stands for "Ain't Talking & Texting" today.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 22, 2024

There's an ambulance outside as we walk into a store, and when my husband says that someone must be sick or hurt, my 7yo loudly proclaims, "BUT WHY would they 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 them to Walmart?!"

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 20, 2024

3yo: Mommy, can I have another piece of my Vawentine candy?
Me: No, one is enough.
3yo: (benevolently) Mommy, do you want a piece?
Me: Aw, that's sweet, honey, but no thank you.
3yo: Okay. I will eat your piece.

🧐

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 22, 2024

Me: *parks the car*
My kid: *gets out, surveys the scene, sighs heavily*
Me: You are SEVEN.
Him: Yes, but when I learn to drive I will park much better than this.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 22, 2024

My daughter didn’t believe I could do a push up, so I dropped and knocked out 10 for her.

Doctor: And that’s the reason you’re here today?

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 21, 2024

Please just let me look at the menu without having to start an online order.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 21, 2024

7 insisted on everyone going out to dinner for Mexican.

So we do.

She ordered chicken tenders and fries

— John Shields, MD, FAAOS (@jointdocShields) February 21, 2024

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing I was eligible for another prescription refill.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 20, 2024

I took three children to Target to buy one $4 item, and I have regrets.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) February 20, 2024

My 1yo has started singing the ABCs. By that I actually mean he sings EFG, over and over. So he is singing his EFGs. With the occasional ELEMINO P.

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) February 22, 2024

My teen complained about my cooking, so I stopped fighting it and filled the freezer with frozen dinners instead of making dinner, and after a week of frozen dinners, guess who’s asking me to cook again.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 18, 2024

Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, “great job give your-shelf a pat on the back”

Now, she is the World’s Best Dad

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 20, 2024

Not to brag but my daughter ate the fruit I packed in her lunch today. pic.twitter.com/cCRocEkbpl

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 19, 2024

[last night]

My dad: If you wake up before us, hit the bold button and then the brew button to make coffee.
Me: Ok, got it.
My dad: I can show you
Me: Really, I got it. I have the same machine at home.

[this morning] pic.twitter.com/ZGUtaNF2IW

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) February 17, 2024