20 of the Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

me at 16: i am going to be so successful when i grow up

me now: maybe someday i will have enough energy to start a hobby

— trash jones (@jzux) July 12, 2023

I just tried to make coffee with my air fryer, so TGIF

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 14, 2023

I kept calling the reptiles at the zoo “he” and “that guy” to my son and an 8 year old girl came up to me and said “they could be GIRLS, you know” and I’m both scared of her and want her to be President

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 9, 2023

I could make an another dog out of all the dog hair I vacuum.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 14, 2023

The pilot of this flight just said “the crew is headed up by my ex-wife Elena” so, excited to see where this goes

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 14, 2023

My favorite childhood memory is eight hours of uninterrupted sleep

— eLeni ☀️ (@eleniZarro) July 15, 2023

Stages of going to bed:

1. I won’t stay up too late.
2. Oh no.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 14, 2023

9am: Nice try, Amazon, I’m not falling for the Prime Day BS again.

9:22am: *Reading reviews for commercial soft-serve ice cream makers*

— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) July 11, 2023

The cashier said "I don't need to see id" so fast it hurt my feelings.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 14, 2023

Nice try, unknown number. I don’t even answer the phone for numbers I do know.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 8, 2023

I’m not trying to be dramatic but having to get up out of bed every morning is ruining my life

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) July 11, 2023

Loses weight…celebrates by eating ice cream

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 9, 2023

best friends see each other 3 times a year and have no pictures together

— purple (@prplexi) July 9, 2023

My husband took the toddler to get some groceries at Walmart (his idea!) while I stay home with the baby and have some peace and quiet. So sweet & thoughtful. 🥺🥰

Anyway we just got off the phone re: clarification of the grocery list for the 5th time

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 9, 2023

Writing 'thanks.' instead of 'thanks!' so you know I'm mad

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 10, 2023

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 13, 2023

I CANNOT get dressed in the bathroom after a shower, idk how y’all do it 😂

— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) July 14, 2023

There’s a church in town having a baked potato bar and book exchange night, and honestly, I think that might be enough to turn me Episcopalian.

— Laura is a product of AWANA (@LShalott) July 11, 2023

Why do people say “dream job”? My dream is literally to not have to have a job.

— natalayhehoo (@highprobably1) July 13, 2023

Told my husband I had the notion to dye my hair a very vibrant pink. He told me it would 'be unbecoming on a middle-aged woman'.
So the question now is – just how pink do I go?

— Claire Allan (@ClaireAllan) July 14, 2023