Top 20 Best Tweets From the Hilarious “Mom Jeans”

My kid came home from school yesterday and told me his class is supposed to dress up as Elvis for morning assembly. I told him I think he means elves. He disagreed. I can’t wait to hear how his day went when ‘The King’ returns home.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 19, 2024

I don’t know what will happen if I don’t bring all the grocery bags in at once but I also know I’m not gonna ever find out

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) June 30, 2021

I couldn’t decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 14, 2021

I just want to point out that this is not how the conversation went during my shower rehearsal

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) August 7, 2021

The first rule of mysterious leg bruise club is to press on it every five minutes to make sure it still hurts

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 29, 2021

I can’t do small talk I just asked the lady cutting my hair what she does for a living

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 10, 2021

Always nice to see my son’s apple return home from it’s daily school outing

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 26, 2022

My kid asked what day it is so I told him Wednesday and he said I don’t agree with that… I didn’t know we could do that

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 18, 2020

I took a shower and will now reward myself with a 3 hour session of sitting on the edge of my bed in my towel

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 2, 2021

3 just informed the cashier at Target, that mommy has a tiny mustache in her underwear.

So the weekend is off to a great start.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 19, 2019

Gonna need you to give me some privacy while I figure out whether this door is a push or pull

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2021

Being an adult is just saying ok and alright softly to yourself in different parts of the house

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 23, 2021

I want to feel the rush of being picked in heads up 7 up again

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) July 9, 2021

Due to completely unforeseeable circumstances, i am now paying for the consequences of my own actions

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 7, 2021

Why am I more embarrassed than scared when I choke like please don’t look at me while I die

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 8, 2022

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself I wasn’t listening either

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 29, 2024

Getting ready to donate some clothes but first I need to drive around with them in my trunk for a year

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 13, 2022

My kid keeps referring to himself as a human boy and now I’m starting to have doubts

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 11, 2020

My son found me crying in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “Is it because of your hair?” Now I’m crying for two reasons.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 17, 2024

I told my kids the shoes on telephone wires are from kids who lied and got sucked up into space

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) August 20, 2020