Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Pulling out of the driveway for a two-hour car ride to visit family.

My 5yo from the backseat: “Don’t turn the radio on, Mama. I brought my harmonica so I can play you music.”

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) July 23, 2023

Today a firetruck roared past us while we were driving and my 7 year-old son said "I wish I was a fireman" and I said so you can save people and he said "no, so i can honk at everyone and they cant get mad"

— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) July 27, 2023

That split second of panic when you realize you said yes to your toddler but you were distracted and you don’t actually know what you said yes to

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 26, 2023

The extreme amount of stress I feel when crawling into my sleeping child’s room to leave tooth fairy money proves I could never make it as a spy

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 25, 2023

Every single parent in the history of kid’s birthday parties who was offered a slice of pizza and declined really wanted that pizza.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 27, 2023

Dentist: “And do you floss?”

Me: “Yes!”

My 5yo who had to come to my appointment with me: “No you don’t.”

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) July 22, 2023

Me: We will leave in a little bit

8: After you put your makeup on?

Me: I have my makeup on!

8: Oh *pause*…you look very pretty

— Taco (Biggie’s Version) (@bgschnikelfritz) July 25, 2023

My 3-year-old was BEGGING me to buy her something at the store, and I usually don’t give in, but I did this time because it was only 99 cents and it was this bunch of scallions pic.twitter.com/KSZjAxN24i

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 25, 2023

Getting invited to an ice cream social is conflicting because there’s the ice cream, but also the social

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 25, 2023

My daughter just put herself in timeout in her room because she was “done hearing other people’s voice noise.”

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 25, 2023

Well, it’s happened. My 3 year old said hamburger instead of hamgurber and I’ll just be here crying myself to sleep.

— Twinstant Family | Lisa (@twinstantfamily) July 24, 2023

One of the kids said, "Camping looks fun," so tonight we're watching The Revenant.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 24, 2023

Tonight I explained to my 7yo what phones were like when I was a kid. He was completely mystified and said “How would you listen to music at night on your phone if it was in the kitchen?!”

How indeed, buddy. How indeed.

— Jeremy, Collector of Parks (@JeremyWingert79) July 25, 2023

We have friends coming from the Netherlands. My 8yo kept asking if their kids have grown. We couldn’t understand why she was fixated on this.

Neverland. She thought they were from Neverland.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 26, 2023

hell hath no fury like a toddler whose sibling is looking out the car window that isn't theirs to look out of.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 26, 2023

Every parent knows that the moment you buy sufficient bananas is the day your child will never touch a banana again

— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) July 21, 2023

Just saw a little girl prancing down a Target aisle with jazz hands, singing, “I need EVERYTHING I don’t have at HOOOME!”

Swear to God, I’m jazz-hands’ing right behind her.

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) July 24, 2023

Asked my daughter what her favorite part of our Hawaiian vacation was and she said when we went to Claire’s.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) July 23, 2023

Our 5 year old asked last night "what disability will I have when I grow up?" Turns out she thought they were just randomly assigned to each person as an adult 😆

— Laura (@laurawritesit) July 25, 2023

We have recently traveled with our 4 months old baby to Iceland. Here are some essential tips for parents who wish to do the same:

1. Don’t do it. pic.twitter.com/dyD4jM1z6V

— Shahaf Peleg 🌅 (@DocLarus) July 26, 2023