Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My daughter’s school gossip: Maddi told Peyton who told Paisley who told Addy who told Claudia that Kenna doesn’t like Reagan.

My son’s school gossip: Jack ate cheese off the floor today.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 1, 2023

my 5-year-old just told me, with a straight face, that he can’t bend over to pick up his toys because his back is getting too old

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) May 29, 2023

Not my 3yo making me try on all my pre-pregnancy clothes and dancing around the room yelling “WOW MAMA! That one doesn’t fit either!!! They’re all too small!!! They’re all too small for you, mama!!!” 🤦🏼‍♀️

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 1, 2023

Vacations are great if you want to hear your kids complain about the same things they always complain about, but near a beach.

— The Dad (@thedad) June 2, 2023

My friend’s daughter said she was bored. My friend told her to write down five things she could do. This is her list. pic.twitter.com/y1Rkf2UUqO

— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 30, 2023

My newlywed neighbours were enjoying a quiet brunch in their backyard oasis so I sent my arguing kids outside as a cautionary tale

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 30, 2023

My 5 year old was pretending to leave for work, rode his bike to the end of the driveway and back and said he made $100 so my question is what is this job and where can I find one

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) June 2, 2023

Hubs: You can play outside for 5 more minutes as long as you don't throw a tantrum when I tell you to come in.

6yo: I might not throw a tantrum. Or I might throw a little tantrum. I don't know. We'll see.

— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) May 31, 2023

When I named my kid Stella I didn’t realize how often I’d be screaming her name like Brando at the bottom of the stairs to get her shoes on.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 31, 2023

Told the kids they could have a dime for each toy they decided to part with.

Oldest kid has earned $3.00 and middle kid is counting individual Legos crowing, “I’M GONNA BE RICH!”

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 31, 2023

Ice cream truck got me running like Tom Cruise in an action flick

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 2, 2023

Not me thinking about what I’m going to get for takeout as the cashier rings up my $350 worth of groceries.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) June 1, 2023

it’s so cute when parents put veggies in their kid’s lunch, like you must be new

— nika (@nikalamity) June 2, 2023

My daughter has already accused me of ruining summer and she’s been out of school for one day so new record for me

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 2, 2023

Something is wrong with my toddler. He’s been a delight all day. I cut his watermelon wrong and he just said “that’s ok!” and ate it. He accidentally ruined his coloring book and didn’t scream at me. He asked to go to the library and is now practicing the ABCs. Am I being punked

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 27, 2023

I went from being mama, mommy, mom, brotato chip, bruh, to now “mother”. So formal all of a sudden.

— JustBeachy🌊 (@Patty_cakez_) June 2, 2023

My kids super power is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) May 31, 2023

Today’s toddler tantrum is brought to you by wanting to put his cut fingernails back on. BACK ON MAMA.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) June 2, 2023

Telling my kid about how excited I was when my dad brought home our first computer and he said “really? More exciting than when you got a colour tv.” I am 35.

— tiffany hunter (@lifeattiffanys) June 2, 2023

hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 1, 2023