Every week I peruse the internet for the funniest and most relatable tweets from women.
Here are the ones that had us laughing the most in 2023.
Looking forward to more laughs with you all in 2024!
Janene
#1
Put a bag of giveaway clothes in my car last night and dropped them off today. This is unprecedented. I am unstoppable. Maybe I’ll clean my microwave too.
— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) July 25, 2023
#2
Welcome to middle age. You now get stuck in clothes. Godspeed removing that top without dislocating your shoulder.
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) July 19, 2023
#3
My neighbor just stopped by unannounced. Of course the house is a mess. So thinking quickly I grabbed my steam mop and opened the door and explained I was just in the middle of cleaning. She left and I went back to watching my murder mystery. Follow me for more cleaning tips.
— Misty D Sunshine 🇺🇸☀️🇺🇦🌻💙🏳️🌈✊🏿 (@CocoChewy1) August 16, 2023
#4
The mechanic asked if I needed to call my husband before buying new tires for my car, so I asked him where the rotary phone was so I could call the 1950s
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 11, 2023
#5
Some guy was staring at me relentlessly through the Dunkin’ Donuts front window. I put on my glasses to get a better look and realized it was a life-sized cardboard cut out, so I’ve got that going for me today.😂
— Just Gina (@GinaUrso) October 10, 2023
#6
Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like “if you put it in the box, it will be there”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 11, 2023
#7
i love when people are able to introduce me to their grandparents using their insane made-up name in a 100% serious tone, “this is peeps and lolly.”
— emily (@emilykmay) October 30, 2023
#8
I’m “remembers when a 32in TV weighed 450lbs” yrs old.
— Linda (@turtledumplin) November 3, 2023
#9
Regularly haunted by my own hubris – tried to set my bf up on a playdate with my coworkers husband because they both “really like bikes.” Anyways, it turns out her husband was in the Tour De France
— C. E. Aubin (@ceaubin) October 25, 2023
#10
Hotels be like, it’s $150 a night and you’re staying 2 nights so that brings your total to $947.43.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 26, 2023
#11
saw a tiktok of a woman being like “here’s a trick i learned in italy” and she just squeezed lemon juice into her coke
— latke (@latkedelrey) October 10, 2023
#12
I’m tired of hearing men talk about how women are only in their “prime” during their 20s. Like, what? Excuse me, but I checked the math and that is blatantly false.
— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) October 10, 2023
Women are also prime at 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, 97.
#13
my problem is i always think i can get ready in 15 minutes when i have repeatedly proven that i can’t
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) October 13, 2023
#14
Me: *buys a bra*
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 8, 2023
The internet: you like BRAS? perhaps you like ONLY BRAS?? Do you need 10,000 BRAS? Do you need to see a new bra every .5 SECONDS?? HERE ARE ALL THE BRAS FOREVER!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY’S POSTS AGAIN ONLY BRAS!
#15
Help.
— LaToya Washington, M.Ed (@L_D_Washington) November 30, 2023
A student just told me I was one of the top teachers of all time.
"There was a lady who taught Helen Keller how to read. You're right under her."
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
#16
going home to be ugly in peace is one of my favorite things to do
— purple (@prplexi) June 4, 2023
#17
Me: *spends 4 hours comparing gift prices on several sites to save $4*
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 27, 2023
Also Me: *spends $33 on pizza because I shopped too long to cook $6 chicken*
#18
Cashier: Your total is $2,967.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 4, 2023
Me: Okay. Please take off the greeting card.
Cashier: Your total is now $7.
#19
Just watched a woman pull back into her spot at Costco bc the dude waiting for her honked for her to hurry up. I feel so blessed to have witnessed
— motorized pistachio (@sportsbroad) June 4, 2023
#20
before buying something online, ask yourself: do I want to get an email from this company for the rest of my life?
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 16, 2023
#21
i think it’s funny when some men think women’s greatest fear is getting older while surrounded by friends and cats.
— emily (@emilykmay) October 26, 2023
#22
What is your favorite burner on the stove and why is it the right front burner?
— Holly Jolly Nicole Trauma Llama APRN, CNS (@TraumaSoapBoxes) November 18, 2023
#23
My grandmother refuses to share her location with the family even though LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, because apparently we “don’t need to know her comings and goings like that”
— Grip Bayless (@talleyberrybaby) June 30, 2023
GIRL YOU ARE 73 AND YOU WORK AT THE CHURCH FAMILY LIFE CENTER DONT PISS ME OFF
#24
In college this boy I liked asked me to lunch and also to go to the laundromat. So I went and brought my laundry. It was a great date. Weeks later he was at my apartment and said, “Hey! When did you get this washer/dryer?” And I said, “Oh I’ve always had that.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 17, 2023
He married me.
#25
i still don’t really know if hot or cold air is supposed to defog my windshield.
— emily (@emilykmay) September 23, 2023
#26
Italian couple fighting in front of me and the guy is holding two ice creams so the girl can move her hands around while shouting
— mariana (@pastapilled) August 18, 2023
#27
I had a water birth in the hospital when I had my daughter and I had to take a class beforehand where they referred to all other birth as “land birth.”
— emily (@emilykmay) September 5, 2023
#28
Stages of plant ownership:
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 28, 2023
1. I’m going to take such good care of you.
2. Oh no.
#29
The pilot of this flight just said “the crew is headed up by my ex-wife Elena” so, excited to see where this goes
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 14, 2023
#30
80% of adulting is unsubscribing from emails and breaking down Amazon boxes.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) November 17, 2023
#31
Staying with my MIL. She’s trained crows to ring a bell in the morning when they’re ready for their tiny peanut butter sandwiches she makes them. I’m not sure there’s anything else to say.
— Katy Goforth (@MarchingFourth) April 27, 2023
#32
Wow, y’all! I just figured out how to get hubs to finally install those ceiling fans. I got a ladder, a yardstick, & a pencil, climbed up & said “Ok, the fan is 52” so how big do I need to cut the hole?”
— Kathy B. (@Kathryn84738540) July 6, 2023
#33
People who camp are like, “But camping is so much fun!” and then tell you a story about how they had to fight a raccoon at 2 AM.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 6, 2023
#34
This lady just rolled up with her Pyrex baking dish and asked them to load it up with enchiladas. She asked for 20-24. I'm dead. pic.twitter.com/9XV31TFl2C
— Tara (@Taraballs) July 16, 2023
#35
got home last night to my sweet, thoughtful boyfriend surprising me with a fresh batch of brownies. ate a few then left them in the kitchen for an hour and came back to this pic.twitter.com/ZlftdJPGzP
— Pastrami Mommy (@Ewelannawhite) July 19, 2023
