20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

I did the universal sign for “call me” and my tween gave me a confused look and asked “on a banana?”

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 5, 2023

There is no one louder, more observant, or as articulate as a toddler in a public restroom stall with their parent.

— emily (@emilykmay) July 6, 2023

me: our marriage is like a rock.

my 8yo: you mean like you’re trapped under it and can’t escape?

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 2, 2023

4yo told me she only likes the well water at my parents’ house so my mom gave me a water bottle I’ve been secretly refilling from our city tap for two days and she tells me with every sip it tastes “sooooo much better” than our water.

— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) June 30, 2023

When my son was in grade school the teacher asked the class what they should do if they think there is a fire and he shouted GO TURN THE STOVE OFF DINNER IS READY

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) June 30, 2023

My 6yo is upset blueberries are in blueberry waffles and blueberry muffins in case you're considering parenting.

— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) July 3, 2023

My teen declined to go grocery shopping with me because he’s basically an adult now. He also immediately texted to remind me to please buy chicken nuggies but only the dino shaped kind

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) July 4, 2023

me: It’s important to tell your parents everything.

my 8yo: when mommy woke up this morning she looked 100 years old.

me: whatever you do don’t tell her that.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 5, 2023

6yo: for your birthday I’m gonna get you a book of really difficult math equations. Is that a good present?

Me: not really

6yo: fine, I’ll make them easy

— Emily Adrian (@adremily) July 3, 2023

What’s worse than a kid with a karaoke machine?

A second kid with a second karaoke machine in the same house.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 5, 2023

Only when you have finished cleaning the entire kitchen, will a teenager appear from the basement with a weeks worth of dishes.

— kidversations (@kidversations_) July 7, 2023

My kid got overheated and said the only thing that would help was french fries, and I’m not a doctor but that sounds about right

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 3, 2023

‘ew broccoli’s gross’ says the kid who puts ketchup on their pancakes

— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) July 5, 2023

Idk what it is about the pool but my toddlers are eating cucumbers and bell peppers and idk if you know this but that is a food that is GROWN IN THE GROUND and I am shook.

— emily (@emilykmay) July 3, 2023

My toddler decided she wanted to sparkle so she dumped glitter into the bath with her and I’d like to tender my resignation from this job

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 3, 2023

My 2.5 year old son saw a unicorn and said, “Look! That horse is wearing a party hat!” And now I can never un-see that.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) July 6, 2023

My daughter asked to buy a birthday cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere and who am I to argue with that kind of logic.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 7, 2023

I used to think pull-ups and baby wipes were expensive until I watched my teenager plow through $300 worth of groceries in two days. Brace yourself toddler parents.

— Raising Teens Today (@HonestTeenTalk) July 2, 2023

My neighbors with the fireworks would apparently like to wish everyone a happy July 7th.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 8, 2023

So glad I decided to have that 4th kid because without her I might never have known what it was like to be woken up at 5am by a 6yo standing by my bed asking me if water is breakable.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) July 7, 2023