Get Ready to Laugh: 18 of the Funniest St. Patrick’s Day Tweets

I asked my 5 year old how his day was and he said "Best day ever, a REAL leprechaun came to my class!" so I am still kinda fuzzy on the science curriculum in kindergarten

— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) March 17, 2022

Wife: What do you want to do for dinner?

Me: Authentic Irish cuisine.

Wife: Corned beef and cabbage?

Me: Guinness and Lucky Charms.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2017

2 of my kids' birthdays are in late December so I'm basically not allowed to drink on St. Patrick's Day anymore.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 26, 2016

Spent all day consoling my kids for not being Irish until my husband came home and was like, let me tell you about your Irish grandmother. I completely forgot that my children come from two people

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 18, 2022

Random guy: Luck of the Irish be with you.

Me: *remembers hundreds of years of famines, occupations, and defeats* No thanks.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2017

Everybody has different St. Patrick’s Day traditions. Some cook a traditional Irish meal, others go to a parade, and for my family it’s my daughter yelling at 6:30 AM that she has nothing green to wear.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 17, 2022

Wearing my authentic Irish pub t-shirt my wife bought me at Kohl’s for St. Patrick’s day again this year.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 17, 2022

10-year-old: Can we get doughnuts for St. Patrick's Day?

Me: What do doughnuts have to do with St. Patrick's Day?

10: I'd be lucky to have them.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2021

Some people use St. Patrick's Day as an excuse to drink, while the rest of us have kids for that.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 16, 2022

Last St. Patrick’s Day a kid in my 3rd grader’s class told everyone the leprechaun brought him a Nintendo Switch and I hate his parents so much.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 17, 2021

*At a bar on St. Patrick’s Day*

My friend, “Did you see that guy?”
Me, “Which one?”
My friend, “The one in the green shirt.”
Me, “You are going to have to be so much more specific.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 18, 2022

I love St. Patrick’s Day. Three drops of green food coloring in the pancake batter and I’m dad of the year

— The Dad (@thedad) March 17, 2022

"What are you doing for St. Patrick's Day?" I am 38. I am probably going to drink a LaCroix and go to bed at a reasonable hour.

— Will (@HeyMyNameIsWill) March 16, 2022

My 5yo asked if he was allowed to get tattoos at daycare for St Patrick’s Day and I said yes because he assured me that his tattoos won’t be “drilled in” like the ones mommy has

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) March 14, 2023

Men on Valentine’s Day: this is a stupid holiday made up by corporations…ugh.

Men on St. Patrick’s Day: iddily diddily jiggitty jig….weee!

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) February 28, 2023

in Ireland humans are given a PPS number and cats are given a PSPSPSPSPS number

— Slieve Malkmus (@ThomasSilken) June 14, 2021

I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's St. Patrick's Day and your kid needs 30 green shamrock cookies for their class party today.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) March 17, 2023

4-year-old: I never catch a leprechaun.

Me: That's because they're not real-

Wife: *death glare*

Me: -ly easy to catch. Maybe this year.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2017